Communication can make or break a relationship. You may have more trouble communicating in a romantic relationship than in a professional relationship, because your emotions are more deeply invested in it. While positive emotions can greatly facilitate effective communication, negative emotions are an obstacle. Communication can be direct or indirect, verbal or nonverbal. In any case, it is important that you communicate the right message to your partner, and that your partner not misunderstand the message.
Step 1
Examine your communication style, the Mayo Clinic advises. If you commonly blame and find fault with your partner, even if you feel it is justified, you may have an aggressive communication style. If you say "yes" when you want to say no, or instinctively try to avoid conflict at all costs, you may have a passive communication style.
Step 2
Assert your needs and point of view to your partner directly, and in a matter-of-fact manner, without coming across as critical. One way of doing this is to begin your statements with the word "I," and proceed with a positive statement, as in "I disagree." instead of "You're wrong." This is an example of an assertive communication style, which takes the middle ground between passive and aggressive communication styles.
Step 3
Yield to a complaining or critical partner, psychologists Barry L. Duncan and Joseph W. Rock advise. Do not contradict a complaining partner with positive statements, and sympathize with any honest complaints you may have about the subject matter of discussion. If your partner makes unjustified accusations against you, you do not need to agree, but do not explain or defend yourself. The idea is to refuse to take your partner's bait, because doing so will escalate conflict.
Step 4
Monitor your body language to make sure that your nonverbal communication is consistent with your verbal communication. Do not cross your arms, for example, when agreeing to a request, because your partner may interpret that as a grudging acquiescence, and feel resentment.
Step 5
Initiate playful communication with your partner to head off or defuse conflict, psychologist Jeanne Segal advises. You may want to start a pillow fight if your partner has a temperament that would appreciate such an initiative. If not, then try using wit. A sudden interjection of humor into a tense situation can defuse conflict, if your timing is right.
Tips and Warnings
- Cultivate a hobby, if you can do so without depriving your partner of attention. This will help you become less emotionally dependent on your partner, which will in turn prevent you from being easily provoked.
- If your partner does not feel emotionally connected to you, he may experience your use of communication techniques as manipulative, according to psychologist Steven Stosny. This is why genuine care and concern must precede effective communication.
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