Verbal spousal abuse encompasses a broad range of acts that inflict emotional distress. This kind of destructive and manipulative behavior is also known as psychological abuse and nonphysical aggression. Vera E. Mouradian, Ph.D., of the National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center at Wellesley College states that verbal abuse terrorizes the victim despite the perpetrator avoiding physical force.
Abuser Profile
Abusive people manifest behaviors that signal their abusive personalities. Religion, ethnic background and socioeconomic status are not criteria for profiling spousal verbal abusers. According to information provided by Lane Community College, verbal put-downs in public or in the privacy of your home aimed at damaging a spouse's self-esteem is an indication of an abusive personality. Overly critical behavior or blaming others for their problems offer other verbal signs of an abusive personality.
Men vs. Women
In the majority of cases, men feel the effects of emotional abuse more deeply than physical abuse, according to the non-profit organization Oregon Counseling. Words such as "impotent" and "failure" may cause more emotional damage to a man than a woman. A man who tolerates an act of physical abuse by his wife without retaliation can see himself as a good husband who would not strike his wife. However, Oregon Counseling says a man suffering humiliation in front of other men from a verbal lashing from his wife can be more devastated than from physical abuse.
Threats
Repeated threats constitute a form of emotional blackmail and verbal spousal abuse. For instance, threatening to leave the marriage or commit acts of infidelity causes emotional distress to your husband. Your spouse may also threaten to destroy your personal property or the property of your loved ones, or hurt the children or pets. Despite the lack of follow-through, Mouradian says threats cause undue emotional distress to the victim.
Reaction
Try not to engage your spouse in an argument during abusive episodes. Interacting with your spouse in the moment tells her she has the power to control you and your emotions. All About Life Changes says staying calm in the face of her agitation sends the message you are no longer willing to be the victim. When you maintain your composure, your calm response may prevent the episode from escalating.
Counteracting Depression
Take steps to counteract the depression that often comes with being a victim of verbal spousal abuse. All About Life Changes wants you to know abuse is never justified, and it is not your fault. Relieve your depression by taking positive action to change your situation. Seek professional counseling, with your spouse if possible, and discuss constructive ways to work out the issue. Communicate to your partner how his behavior makes you feel. Find strength to deal with this problem in your marriage by spending more time with kind people who treat you with respect.
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