Putting up a child for adoption can invite a world of hurt into your life, but the day she finally comes back into your life can be a cause for celebration. At the same time, reuniting with a child you gave up can be intimidating and unnerving. It can also be difficult to know what to say and do when that time finally arrives.
Step 1
Be careful of your language. The experts at Adoption.com recommend choosing your words carefully, saying that things have changed when it comes to "adoption language." Phrases like "give up" and "give away" have a negative connotation. Use positive language to tell your child why you chose adoption, as she is bound to ask. If she wants to know the story behind it, tell her. If you expect to have a relationship with your child, she deserves to know the reason. She may be more understanding than you think.
Step 2
Tell her you want a relationship, if you do. As the biological parent of an adopted child, it can be easy to fear rejection, but your child may have the same fear. Many adopted children spend their lives fantasizing about what it would be like to meet their birth parents. Invite your child to be part of your world.
Step 3
Show your child that you understand, and tell her so. Adopted children go through a variety of emotions, just as birth parents do, and it can be easy for them to feel that nobody understands. Just as you have missed your child over the years, she may have missed you as well.
Step 4
Give her space if she needs it. She may not be ready to jump right into a relationship with you. Every person is different. While one adopted child may experience joy at being able to finally meet you, others may harbor feelings of anger and resentment. These are normal feelings, and they may subside over time. The best thing to do is to give her space until she works these feelings out.
