How To Leave A Verbally Abusive Husband

If your husband is verbally abusive to you, it is damaging to your self-esteem and can be frightening and dangerous. If children are involved, they also are in emotional or physical danger. But if you decide to leave your verbally abusive husband, you need to have a plan and proceed with caution. Some verbal abusers faced with losing power over a spouse or lover can escalate their verbal abuse or turn physically violent.

Step 1

Contact a therapist and prepare yourself emotionally for the divorce proceedings. Take advantage other resources, including books like Patricia Evans' book, "The Verbally Abusive Relationship," which can help you understand how verbal abuse works and assist you in starting to heal from years of hostile remarks.

Step 2

Buy a folder, a notebook and a pen. Store legal divorce paperwork in the folder, and use the notebook to make lists of the steps you will be taking to leave the marriage. Hide these materials in a place where your husband will not find them.

Step 3

Create a hidden email account that your husband cannot access, and use it only on computers outside of the home. According to the University of Texas Health Science Center, you should use a false name in your secret email address. Purchase an extra cell phone and new cell number, and keep them secret from your husband. That way, even if your husband monitors your current email or cell phone messages, you will have private email and cell phone access.

Step 4

Set up an appointment with a divorce lawyer; check with the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers for divorce lawyers in your area. Ask your lawyer about your state's procedures for filing divorce papers and requesting a restraining order. Visit a local domestic violence shelter, so you can learn about staying in the facility if your husband becomes violent. Bring your folder and notebook with you to these appointments.

Step 5

Make a detailed plan for your departure. According to "Creating a Safety Plan," a guide from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, you should leave important items, such as your marriage license, at the home of someone you trust a few days before you plan to leave your husband. If you are planning to stay in the house or apartment, be ready to have a locksmith change the locks as soon as your spouse leaves.

Step 6

Start your recovery. You have a long emotional journey ahead of you as you rebuild your self-esteem and your life. Your therapist can counsel you on ways to expedite your recovery. You can also seek out special group counseling for women who have left abusive spouses and gain help from your peers' understanding.