Many people worry about saying the "right" thing, especially when speaking with someone they barely know. Good conversations, however, don't usually require "right" words. Rather, an energetic back-and-forth is often enough to keep and maintain someone's interest in a conversation. If you're approaching a girl you don't know well, or want to ensure a lively discussion on your first date, relax, take your time, be yourself and give her the stage.
Step 1
Abandon your fears. You might feel nervous or anxious about talking to her, but she might be just as worried what you'll think of her. Determining the worst thing that can happen in a situation can help alleviate your fears and anxiety surrounding it, says Dale Carnegie, in "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living."
Step 2
Make a list of conversation starters. Ask standard questions such as "Where did you grow up?"; "What do you do for a living?"; or "What kind of music do you like?" Also ask deeper questions, including "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" or "What causes are important to you?" Pose open-ended questions she can't answer with a simple "yes" or "no."
Step 3
Discuss "safe" topics. When you're just getting to know a woman, avoid subjects such as religion, politics or any other potentially heated topics. Also refrain from talking about sex or your exes during the first few conversations, advises psychologist Joy Browne, author of "Dating for Dummies." "Even if you were married to Jack or Jackie the Ripper, or dated Jack or Jackie Kennedy, let past relationships come up naturally another time," Browne advises.
Step 4
Show an interest in her by asking questions and follow-up questions. "Be as interested as you are interesting," says Caroline Tiger, author of "How to Behave: Dating and Sex." Tiger recommends paying attention to how much you are talking compared with your date. If balance is off, ask questions to get her talking.
Step 5
Compliment her laugh, sense of humor, wit or beauty. Women especially enjoy hearing praise regarding their hair, eyes, smile and teeth, author Browne says. She advises, however, to steer clear of comments regarding specific body parts, including muscles.
Step 6
Make eye contact to let her know you're interested. "Your eyes can communicate an incredible amount of information, and is a shortcut to female responsiveness," says Carlos Xuma, author of "The Dating Black Book." He adds, "When you lock eyes with a woman, you're saying 'I'm interested.' " This doesn't mean you need to stare her down, however. Make brief eye contact when she's speaking, or when you want to make a point.
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