Children should not lie, but in most cases, explains Children's Hospital Boston, lying is a normal part of development. It provides a way for children to test the rules of social communication, to learn about ethics and morality, and to discover the line between reality and imagination. In fact, lying even demonstrates something good; it shows that your child understands the concepts of right and wrong and feels guilty about doing something inappropriate, explains the American Academy of Pediatrics, or the AAP.
Step 1
Consider your child's age before formulating a response. If your child is 3 or younger, then he doesn't intend to lie; he simply hasn't fully grasped the concept of truth, notes Children's Hospital Boston. If your child is between 3 and 7, he is still learning about how to use his imagination appropriately. Once your child turns about 6, he better understands the concept of lying, and he knows that it's wrong.
Step 2
Talk to your child; discuss the situation clearly and calmly, recommends the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. In an age-appropriate way, explain the concepts of honesty and falsehood and describe why he should always tell the truth. Emphasize the need to establish a trusting relationship with you, advises the AAP.
Step 3
Investigate the context of the falsehood. Why did your child lie? What problem was he trying to cover or avoid? For example, the AAP reports that a child might lie about his grades if he experiences trouble in school. Dealing with the underlying problem not only addresses deeper issues but also helps your child learn alternatives to lying, which the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry recommends.
Step 4
Punish your child moderately, suggests the Child Welfare League of America, and choose a consequence related to the misdeed that he lied about. For example, if your child lied about going to bed on time, then set an earlier bedtime for a few days.
Avoid harsh punishment. It seldom helps, suggests the AAP, and it may even backfire; many children lie because they fear harsh punishment. Instead, teach your child that he can always tell you the truth about his shortcomings or misbehavior.
Step 5
Foster an environment of honesty. Although direct discipline can demonstrate the improper nature of lying, your child also needs to know that he can safely and admirably tell the truth. To encourage honesty, avoid being too strict, which can discourage your child from confessing misdeeds. Listen to your child calmly when he confesses to you so that he doesn't fear your reaction, advises the Child Welfare League of America.
Step 6
Set a good example. Children notice white lies, the AAP explains, and observing you tell them may confuse your child's conception of honesty. When your child witnesses you telling the truth in a difficult situation, suggests the Child Welfare League of America, discuss the situation with him afterward so that he learns to value sincerity. Commend your child when he tells the truth, especially if it required bravery and initiative.
Step 7
Take your child to a pediatric psychiatrist if he establishes a pattern of serious lies, advises the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. A professional can help discover any underlying psychological or behavioral problem.
