For most parents, dealing with the occasional temper tantrum or "meltdown" is an expected, if undesirable, part of the job description. However, when kids fail to outgrow these explosive outbursts or if they happen too frequently, this may indicate a larger problem. According to American Family Physician, some children who act out frequently may have oppositional defiant disorder, a condition characterized by frequent bouts of temper and refusal to comply with parental authority. Your child's physician can evaluate your child for this condition.
Step 1
Model self-control. If you respond to your child's angry outburst with an angry outburst of your own, you can hardly expect your child to learn emotional restraint, reports Kids Health. Speak to your child in a calm, clear, no-nonsense tone of voice, and communicate that you will address his issue once he, too, is calm. Tell him that yelling is not an appropriate way of solving problems in your family, and make sure to back that up with your own behavior.
Step 2
Guide your child toward expressing feelings verbally. Kids Health says that kids with explosive tempers often have difficulty articulating their feelings, and so instead become frustrated and act out. Ask your child to tell you what's bothering her without yelling or tantrum behavior. This might mean waiting for her to calm down. Ask your child to use words to tell you what made her angry, then listen and discuss the problem.
Step 3
Evaluate yourself. According to Ross W. Greene, author of "The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children," kids act out when their environmental demands are greater than their ability to cope. Greene says this suggests that as a parent, you may need to adjust your expectations of your child. Greene reports that challenging behavior in kids is often tied to an unsolved problem. Think about your demands and the stressors they may create for your child.
Step 4
Give your child outlets for safe expression of anger. Kids Health says this could include activities which include vigorous exercise, like dancing or skipping around the living room, but which are not inherently aggressive, like punching a pillow. This allows your child to "vent" without any reinforcement of bad behavior.
Tips and Warnings
- Suggest a diversion. Kids Health says one way to calm a child during a tantrum is to direct him toward something that might calm him, like taking a walk or drawing his feelings on paper.
- Talk to your child's teachers, friends' parents and coaches, and determine whether this is a pervasive problem. Discuss methods of dealing with your child's explosiveness with these adults.
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