Life does not always go smoothly. Conflicts happen. Conflicts happen at work, at school, at home and in social settings. You may be called upon one day as a third party to mediate a conflict. There are productive ways to mediate conflicts leading to resolution and peace for all parties involved. Learning simple ways to mediate conflict will save you frustration and spare others anguish.
Take a Deep Breath
Encouraging the people involved in the conflict to calm down is a tip offered on the website Mediation Tools. The site explains that people get angry and upset in times of conflict. They raise their voices and stop listening. Looking at the big picture helps people calm down and put the situation in perspective. When they stop arguing, they can start listening and start processing the situation more clearly. That is a good first step in resolving a conflict. When mediating a conflict it is wise to urge everyone to take a deep breath and calm down.
Ask the Right Questions
When mediating a conflict, make sure you know your role in the situation and what is needed from you as a mediator.
The Conflict Mediation Network suggests asking yourself what it would be like to be one of the people in this conflict. Ask yourself what the real needs of the parties are and how you can help them meet those needs.
Ask yourself what both parties are trying to say in addition to what they are actually saying. Be sure you are listening and be certain that the people in the conflict know that you are listening.
Use Empathy, Attention and Respect
President of the High Conflict Institute and licensed therapist and lawyer, Bill Eddy, advises mediators to use empathy, attention and respect when working with people in conflict. Eddy says to remind the parties involved that you empathize with them when they are upset rather than criticizing their anger. He advises mediators to emphasize that you are paying attention to their positions and that you respect their feelings and passion. He claims that by repeating your feelings of empathy, attention and respect, the people in conflict will calm down and you can move forward in the mediation process.
Get to the Root of the Problem
When people in conflict argue their case, they often start out by defending themselves and their needs. It can take a long time for them to get to the root of the problem and divulge the resolution they are seeking. Mediation Tools says the best way for a mediator to get to the heart of the matter is to be an active listener. Quietly listen until people trust you enough to divulge the reasons they are upset. Active listening involves nonverbal gestures such as nodding and looking directly in the eye of the person talking to you. Verbal signs include telling the person you understand what they are saying and encouraging them to continue.
