Sometimes people use the phrase "two become one" to describe a romantic relationship. However, forming a couple does not require either partner to exist solely in the shadow of the other partner. Healthy romantic relationships require a careful balancing act by both partners. Maintaining healthy boundaries allows the relationship to develop a sense of interdependence while both partners also maintain their individuality.
Attachment Bond
English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth developed the "attachment bond" theory to explain how people develop the capacity to form close relationships. The attachment bond theory states that the ability to form relationships with others is largely determined by the relationship between an infant and its first primary caregiver, according to HelpGuide.org. A well-developed attachment bond enables you to be in touch with your emotions and engage with your partner, while letting go of grudges that can destroy closeness.
Reactive Detachment Disorder
Reactive detachment disorder results from neglect or abuse during childhood. Children who have been shuffled through a series of caregivers or who have been warehoused in orphanages are particularly vulnerable, according to the Mayo Clinic.
However, active engagement and leading by example can help children overcome reactive detachment disorder.
Individuals with reactive detachment disorder often lack the ability to form emotional bonds with others, and remain detached and isolated into adulthood. Such individuals often run hot-and-cold in relationships, or are emotionally distant with their partners, HelpGuide.org claims. Therapy can help adults who suffer from reactive detachment disorder form healthy bonds with other adults and can break the cycle of passing the disorder along to their children, the Mayo Clinic advises.
Codependent Relationships
Mental health practitioners first applied the term "codependent relationship" to refer to circumstances involving substance abusers and the people closest to them. However, the term now applies to any relationship where a healthy interdependence has been replaced by unhealthy attachment, according to the Mayo Clinic. In a codependent relationship, the pleaser/fixer and the taker/controller play equal roles, according to Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed. L.C.P.C., writing for SelfGrowth. In a codependent relationship, the taker/controller selfishly indulges his addiction or other unacceptable behavior, while the enabler repeatedly "rescues" him from facing the consequences of his actions. The enabler persists in seeking validation and love from the narcissistic taker/controller, who preys on the low self-esteem of the enabler.
Therapy is usually necessary for the enabler in a codependent relationship to break the chains and move on to healthy relationships. Addicts must receive treatment for their addictions before they can hope to form healthy relationships. However, it is a myth that addicts must hit rock bottom before treatment is effective, according to HelpGuide.org.
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