Kids can be a handful, and sometimes a hard-headed child can be more than you feel like you can handle. Hard-headed children need to be disciplined, but with so many conflicting messages on disciplining children, figuring out how is half the battle. Discipline provides much needed structure and boundaries in raising healthy and happy children. Disciplining a child verbally or physically is not damaging or cruel provided it is done out of care, compassion, love and a desire to instill respect.
Step 1
It's hypocritical to ask a child to act in a way you're not willing to. Make it a point to treat everyone in the family kindly, showing respect and esteem, especially to your spouse. For example, if your spouse asks you to do something really unpleasant like cleaning the cat box, just do it. By helping out and doing the dirty work, you model alternative ways of responding to something your child may not like.
Step 2
Your child needs to understand your position as a parent. Parents seek the well-being of their children, and any discipline should be in response to an action that will hurt the child. Let your child know you're looking out for him. This is done verbally by telling him, "I love you, and want the best for you." It is also done by your actions. For example, showing up to events and activities shows your kids that you care for them.
Step 3
Clarify expectations. If your child doesn't understand why he is being punished, then the punishment won't be instructive, just destructive. Explain to your child what she is doing is wrong and that she needs to stop.
Step 4
Discipline takes place on a spectrum. Consider using time-outs, removal of privileges, reasoning with your child or spanking. Not every action deserves a spanking, and not every action is sufficiently disciplined by a time-out. The authors of "Current Controversies on Family Violence" report, "At certain times and in certain situations when a certain child behaves in a certain antisocial way, a spanking is the most effective deterrent." Spanking should be used only in special situations, and with control and cool-headedness.
Step 5
After you have disciplined your child, explain to him why you did what you did, and how much you love him. Teach your children that discipline is meant to help, and that sometimes in life we have to experience some hurt to be helped.
Tips and Warnings
- Always calm down before disciplining a child. Never discipline out of anger and frustration. A hard head can take a long time to soften. Be patient with your children, and discipline them with consistency.
References
- "Current Controversies on Family Violence"; Donileen R. Loseke, Richard J. Gelles, Mary M. Cavanaugh; 2005
- "Instructing a Child's Heart"; Tedd Tripp; 2008
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