Making friends can be a difficult endeavor even for adults, and watching your child struggle with social situations might be particularly painful. Although you can help your child improve his social skills and friendships, you can't master this task for him, reports Michael Thompson, author of "Best Friends, Worst Enemies," on the PBS website. The best assistance you can provide is not by interfering in your child's social life, but by teaching him to be a good friend.
Step 1
Focus on basic interaction skills. The National Network for Childcare cites four essential concepts of interaction that a socially successful child should know: participation, communication, cooperation and validation/support. By teaching your child to be actively involved in a game or activity, you are teaching him to engage the interest and imagination of the peer group. Cooperating through sharing and taking turns is also a valuable skill, as is support, teamwork, and being a "good loser."
Step 2
Offer coping-directed feedback, rather than sympathy. When your child is socially rejected by a peer, the questions you ask him should be geared toward finding solutions, rather than wallowing in the unfairness of the situation, Thompson says on the PBS website. While it's natural to feel your child's pain, you can help him more by discussing what he has done to remedy the situation, or what he plans to do. Compliment any proactive steps he has taken, and remind him that you're always available to talk.
Step 3
Refrain from projecting your own childhood onto your kid's experiences. You might find that as your child begins to venture into social situations, your own childhood demons are resurrected. While it's tempting to view your child's experiences through the lens of your earlier rejections and triumphs, this isn't useful for you or your child, says Diane Levin, author of "Remote Control Childhood," on the PBS site. Take a step back and remind yourself that your child is a different person.
Step 4
Work with your child to master games and sports. The National Network for Childcare reports that competence in a particular activity will increase your child's social value within a group. While you shouldn't place unrealistic expectations on your child to be the "best," you can work with him on popular games so he can participate more effectively. You also can encourage creativity and resourcefulness in your child, so he can come up with new games to play.
Step 5
Encourage your child's sense of humor. Kids enjoy friends who are funny, and who are able to laugh and be silly, reports the National Network for Childcare. You can help cultivate humor and playfulness in your kids from an early age, by making jokes with your child and modeling humor in your interactions. Emphasize that humor shouldn't be used at another child's expense or in a mocking way.
Tips and Warnings
- Emphasize friendship rather than popularity. It's not realistic to insist on your child becoming popular, reports PBS. Instead, help him cultivate close friendships, and make playdates with those children. Be friendly with the parents of your child's friends. By reaching out socially to the parents of your child's friends, you demonstrate your own social skills and set a positive example.
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