Experts at the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy note that divorce often creates strong emotions between spouses, and conflict can often result. According to experts at Iowa State University Extension, it is critical that individuals in the midst of a divorce understand that strong and rapidly changing emotions are a part of this process, and each individual can only control and process his or her own emotions. An individual can best manage the process by taking steps to care for his or her own emotional and physical health.
Step 1
Seek professional help from a therapist who is experienced with high-conflict divorces. According to experts at Iowa State University Extension, the management and processing of strong personal emotions is often key to successful conflict resolution in divorce. An individual can use one-to-one counseling to work through the confusing and overwhelming feelings he experiences. This provides a healthy outlet for frustration and anger, and limits the for inappropriate conflict with an ex-spouse.
Step 2
Offer to mediate with an ex-spouse, using a professional mediator to settle the divorce. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy notes that mediated divorces can often reduce conflict between ex-partners. A professional mediator is trained to guide partners through a collaborative process in which both parties eventually agree on mutually beneficial solutions. A divorce litigated by lawyers often does not have a focus of this type of conflict management.
Step 3
Accept that the marriage is over and attempt to focus emotional and physical energy on future plans and goals. Experts at Iowa State University Extension suggest that ex-spouses must resist the urge to put more energy into a marriage that has ended. Conflict between ex-spouses typically results from a urge to reengage with a partner. By disengaging from conflict and slowly building a new identity partners can learn to direct the anger and sadness in healthy ways. Experts at Iowa State note that, in the majority of cases, continued contact and conflict will not change the nature of the relationship nor lead to resolution.
Step 4
Do not criticize or complain about an ex-spouse to children or mutual friends. Experts at Mental Health America note that it is important for ex-spouses to create and independent support network. This may mean developing independent friendships or attending a divorce support group. Ex-spouses should always avoid speaking or acting in a way that will negatively affect their shared relationships. When one spouse is particularly angry or resistant about the divorce her partner should make efforts to ensure he does not create more tension by making negative comments or airing complaints to people who may share them with her.
