When you think of how to parent a child, a complex array of theories, perspectives, and references come to mind. The way in which parents set boundaries and limits in their parenting styles truly affects the behavior of children. In examining the behavior of children with externalizing issues, such as conduct disorder, you can see a connection between this type of defiance and indulgent parents.
What is Conduct Disorder?
Conduct disorder is a disorder of childhood that falls into the category of externalizing behaviors. When a child externalizes, he is acting out his feelings, which can include anger and aggression. The DSM-IV-TR, which is the diagnostic manual used by psychologists and psychiatrists, defines conduct disorder as, "A repetitive and persistent pattern of behavior in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated, as manifested by the presence of three (or more) of the following criteria in the past 12 months, with at least one criterion present in the past 6 months:
Aggression to people and animals, destruction of property, deceitfulness or theft, and/or serious violation of rules." Additionally, such behaviors must cause your child functional impairment. Conduct disorder is a very serious behavioral problem that, if left untreated, can lead to antisocial personality disorder, or psychopathy, in adulthood.
Parenting Styles and Behavior
In trying to better understand what causes conduct disorder to develop, psychologists have looked at parenting styles and how this affects the child's behavior. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, psychologist Diana Baumrind identified four major parenting styles. Authoritative parents, according to Baumrind, set firm clear boundaries with their children and remain consistent in disciplinary tactics. Authoritarian parents have boundaries, but these boundaries are often controlling and rigid. Uninvolved parents are often rejecting and indifferent. The fourth type of parenting style is the permissive parent: It is here that indulgence often leads to conduct disorder.
Permissive Parent Type I: The Indifferent Parent
In general, permissive parents are quite relaxed with their children's boundaries and give inconsistent feedback to their children regarding their behavior. The permissive parent comes in two types: The indifferent parent and the indulgent parent. According to Baumrind and her colleague, psychologist Elenor Maccoby, permissive-indifferent parents themselves have much to do with how the child turns out. Thus, conduct disorder may develop because the child simply has no rules and does not respect the boundaries between people. In this way, the child does what she wants when she wants and the parent really has no role in the outcome.
Permissive Parent Type II: The Indulgent Parent
The second type of permissive parent is more involved in their child's life than the permissive-indifferent parent. However, the indulgent parent believes that her child should be given each and every thing he wants, and that this is they way a child's needs are met. Of these children, Baumrind says, "They tend to be moody and they are low in social skills and self-control." When children are over-indulged by permissive parents, they do not learn respect for anything that does not match their needs.
Significance
By understanding the role of permissive parents in the development of conduct disorder, you can learn to meet your child's needs, while at the same time creating healthy boundaries for behaviors. While it may be tempting to give in to a child's every desire, this is simply not healthy in the long run. Doing so does not teach children the respect needed to act as a functional adults in the world. In his work on narcissism, Sigmund Freud said that to over indulge a child leads him to never grow out of a state of infantile grandiosity where he thinks the world exists to meet his needs. Such a stance will not lead to a child who respects the rights of others, and conduct disorder will likely ensue.
References
- "Parenting for Character: Five Experts, Five Practices"; Diana Baumrind,Marvin W. Berkowitz, Thomas Lickona, Larry P. Nucci; 2008
- "Development Across the Life Span"; Robert Feldman; 2006
- "Basic Freud: Psychoanalytic Thought for the 21st Century"; Michael Kahn; 2002
