Your boyfriend may write you poetry, bring you roses and cook you romantic dinners---but that doesn't give him the right to hit you. According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund, 25 percent of women claim abuse at the hands of a boyfriend or husband. If you want to leave your abusive boyfriend, you need to know what steps to take to ensure your personal safety.
Step 1
Create a detailed personal safety plan. Think through the days and weeks immediately following the time you plan to leave your boyfriend. Secure a place to stay. Write down the names and phone numbers of people who can help you. Decide how will you handle your work and school commitments. Try to plan for all possible scenarios..
Step 2
Call your local battered woman's shelter. Tell them you plan to leave your abusive boyfriend and ask what kind of help the shelter provides.
Step 3
Gather important documents. Place your drivers license, passport, birth certificate, credit cards and all important documents in a safe place.
Step 4
Change all your email passwords, financial passwords and ATM pin numbers. Your boyfriend may try and use this information to track you down or sabotage you in some way.
Step 5
Tell family members and friends you plan to leave your boyfriend. Create a code word with loved ones to use if you are in trouble. Avoid telling anyone who might warn your boyfriend of your plans.
Step 6
Avoid using your home computer to plan your escape. Your boyfriend can easily monitor your computer activity without your knowledge.
Step 7
Consider getting a restraining order against your boyfriend. Call your local police department to find out what steps you need to take to obtain a restraining order. Make sure to include both your home and work address on your restraining order.
Step 8
Move if you can. If you live with your boyfriend, move while he is at work or away for an extended period. Do not leave a forwarding address or phone number.
Step 9
Change your phone number. Only give your new number to people you know you can trust.
Step 10
Invest in a home alarm, window locks and motion sensitive lighting. Install a peephole and a chain lock on your door.
Step 11
Tell your boss and co-workers about your breakup. Explain that you do not want your boyfriend on the premises. Make sure everyone understands that this is more than a romantic spat--it is an issue of personal safety.
Tips and Warnings
- Make sure your new phone comes equipped with a caller ID feature. If you are leaving an abusive mate, you should always know who is on the other end of the line before you pick up your phone. If you cannot afford to install a home alarm or other safety equipment consider getting a dog for protection.
- It is not enough to change residences and phone numbers. According to the Nashville Police Department, you need to change where you shop, where you work out, where you bank, where you go to church and where you eat.
References
- Family Violence Prevention Fund: Action Center: Get the Facts: The Facts on Domestic, Dating and Sexual Violence
- Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness: Develop a Safety Plan
- "Elle"; Ask E. Jean: Black and Blue Love; E. Jean Carroll; Jul. 28, 2009
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: Get Help: Safety Planning Guideline
- Nashville Police Department: A Guide to Domestic Violence: Risk Assessment, Risk Reduction, and Safety Plan
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