Teens go through a period of rebelliousness and defiance as they seek to gain more control of their lives. But some behaviors, such as reckless sexual behavior, violence and drug use, are clear signals that your teen is in trouble. According to Carol Maxym and Lesley B. York, authors of "Teens in Turmoil," when your teen's behavior takes over your family, it's time to act.
Step 1
Understand that your teen's behavior may be a cry for help. Many teens act out because of hopelessness, despair and fear, according to Maxym and York. When bad behaviors don't suppress those feelings, your teen may engage in more negative behavior until someone challenges him to stop.
Step 2
Accept the responsibility to help your teen. Even if you're not directly to blame for your teen's behavior, you are responsible for trying to help her, explain Maxym and York.
Step 3
Commit to changing your behavior first. You'll be more successful at establishing healthy boundaries and the right home environment to make things better for your teen and your whole family.
Step 4
Start listening to your teen so he'll be more likely to listen to you. When you don't listen to your teen or dismiss his feelings, he won't come to you with his worries and concerns, according to Adele Gaber and Elaine Mazlish, authors of "How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk." Your teen will feel more frustrated and resentful and continue his destructive behavior.
Step 5
Set clear, realistic boundaries. Although you cannot change your teen's attitude, you can create and maintain standards for acceptable behavior in your home, Maxym and York advise. Teens often test the limits to see if you'll stick to them. When you do, your teen gets the message that the behavior will not be tolerated and will start to re-examine it.
Step 6
Be consistent in your discipline. Living with a teen who's out of control can be exhausting, and you may be tempted to give up. But being consistent when clearly stated rules or boundaries are broken lessens the amount of effort you'll need to put in.
Step 7
Don't be afraid of your teen. You will never be able to influence your teen's behavior if he thinks or knows you fear him. Take control and remember that it's better to temporarily lose your teen's love or closeness than for him to totally self destruct.
Tips and Warnings
- Continue to be loving and supportive as you try to help your teen. Not everything your teen does is a critical issue. Learn when to just ignore a particular behavior. Be patient. Maxym and York point out that compliant behavior isn't the same as real learning and changing. Real behavior change takes time.
- Admit when you need help. Problems such as drug or alcohol abuse, or suicidal tendencies should not be handled on your own. Seek professional counseling as a family.
References
- "Teens in Turmoil"; Carol Maxym and Leslie B. York; 2000
- "How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk"; Adele Gaber, Elaine Mazlish: 2005
- Brigham Young University: Teen Tantrums: Things to Try
