Approaching an apology with a woman is immensely different from admitting wrong to a man. Women see an apology as a customary aspect of a relationship, while men view it as a "loss of face," says relationship mediator Sam Margulies. He says that a man who admits wrongdoing is more likely to feel "diminished in the eyes of those who hear the apology." A woman, on the other hand, feels a sense of relief after giving or receiving an apology. Acknowledging when you've made a mistake, or have failed to meet an obligation, is a healthy part of a relationship. A sincere apology can repair unintentional harm that you've caused.
Step 1
Consider what words, action or inaction hurt her. Formulate a sincere inventory of what happened, and try to understand what caused this reaction from her. Although you may not have had any intention of hurting her, recognize the need to remedy the injustice you've caused her, says psychotherapist Beverly Engel, author of "The Power of Apology." Prepare what you're going to say. Empathize with her as you approach her.
Step 2
Swallow your pride. Put aside your ego, and recognize that apologizing to a woman doesn't make you less of a man. Acknowledging wrongdoing may cause a man to feel a "sense of loss if not humiliation," says relationship mediator Margulies. Instead, view it as gaining respect from your woman. An apology may cause a woman to see you "as a fallible, vulnerable human being," and move her to understand and forgive you, author Engel says. Try to look at the positive effects of apology, and recognize that you're actively participating in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Step 3
Admit you were at fault. State your apology directly. Don't make excuses for what you did or try to get around the words, "I am sorry," relationship mediator Margulies says. Address the words or your actions that have hurt her, as specifically as possible. She wants to know that you genuinely are sorry, so show her that you recognize your wrongdoing, and regret what you have done.
Step 4
Express your intentions to avoid the same mistakes. Resolve not to repeat the hurtful behavior. You can't change what's happened in the past, says author Engel, but you can repair the hurt you've inflicted on her. Admit that you're not a perfect person, and that you understand the need to change some aspects of your behavior, relationship mediator Margulies says. Agree to work together on improving any breaches in communication that may influence your interaction.
Step 5
Ask her to forgive you. Don't assume that she's forgiven you, especially if you have done something that's particularly cruel, relationship mediator Margulies says. He says that the act of forgiveness will unshackle her from the anger she may have felt toward you.
