Disagreements can be uncomfortable, particularly when two opposing parties are equally invested in their side of the argument. Disagreements that devolve into fights often lead to resentment and anger. You may have an issue that needs resolving, but feel reluctant to engage another in a confrontation about it. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between confrontation and combativeness. It is possible to disagree with someone without giving offense. By listening with empathy and treating others with respect, you can resolve a dispute without harm to your friendship or working relationship.
Step 1
Stay calm and respectful. It is easy for disagreements to become heated when two people feel equally passionate about their point of view, and in a moment of anger, one or the other of you may allow the attacks to become personal. It is important that you stay in control of your emotions. Name-calling and insults will not bring you any closer to a resolution, and you will likely feel embarrassed about your poor behavior once you have calmed down.
Step 2
Designate an appropriate time and place to discuss your issues. No one enjoys a confrontation in front of an audience. By asking your co-worker if the two of you can discuss the matter in private, you show respect for her feelings. Agree to meet and talk later if the time or location prevents the opportunity for privacy.
Step 3
Invite your co-worker to share his point of view. In his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," author Steven Covey warns against attempting to hear and talk at the same time. You must be willing to take turns. When your goal is to resolve a conflict without offense, offer to let your co-worker speak first. Give him your undivided attention. Do not formulate responses in your mind while he is speaking. Make a sincere effort to understand his point of view, even if you do not agree with him.
Step 4
Validate your co-worker's feelings. According to the Help Guide website, acknowledging another's concerns is a good way to defuse a potentially tense situation. Whatever the disagreement, you want to convey empathy and respect for your co-worker or friend. Hearing something like "I understand why you feel that way" may be what she needs to get control of her emotions and peaceably work with you toward a solution.
Step 5
Brainstorm possible solutions together. Many resolutions will necessitate a compromise, but neither party need walk away from a discussion feeling dissatisfied. By thinking creatively and resolving to cooperate as much as possible, you can find a solution mutually beneficial to the both of you. Covey calls this approach finding a "Win/Win" solution, or "a belief in the Third Alternative. It's not your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher way." Furthermore, a person is less likely to take offense when she is able to take an active role in the problem-solving process, even if the final decision does not favor her.
Tips and Warnings
- Monitor your nonverbal communication. Your tone of voice or facial expressions can help you in your efforts to resolve a conflict peacefully or aggravate a tense situation.
- It is not possible to please everyone all of the time. In spite of your best efforts, your friend or co-worker may still feel offended.
References
- Help Guide: Conflict Resolution Skills
- "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People"; Stephen R. Covey; 1989
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