The discovery of an extramarital affair has emotional fallout for both spouses, according to the Mayo Clinic. One or both of the spouses may just want to get out and end the marriage. But that isn't the only option. The Mayo Clinic notes that a marriage can survive an affair. But the spouses need to take time to work through their feelings before making any lasting decision about the relationship.
Step 1
Take time away and create a healthy space from a partner after the affair has been discovered or disclosed. The Mayo Clinic says that many spouses may want to discuss the affair or learn the details right away, but it is best to take time to process the initial feelings the disclosure triggers. Productive communication cannot take place until these initial feelings have settled down.
Step 2
Seek couples counseling with a qualified therapist. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy suggests that many couples benefit from mediating conflicts with a professional who is trained to offer unbiased support to both spouses. Couples counseling is a safe, supportive way that spouses can discuss the affair and their feelings.
Step 3
Seek individual counseling with a therapist or seek out a support group. Make sure the therapist you are seeing by yourself understands the work you are doing with the couples therapist so that one doesn't undermine the other. Both spouses should take time to explore what they want regarding the marriage. A spouse who has engaged in an affair will have to decide to end that affair if he wants to work on the marriage. Likewise, his partner will have to decide if she wishes to work at the marriage.
Step 4
Practice healthy self-care. Follow a health diet, exercise and get adequate sleep. The Mayo Clinic says that a crisis in a marriage stresses both partners. Managing the stress is critical to working through the situation, as few people can make important decisions when the are upset, stressed and anxious. Caring for one's physical and emotional health is vital to moving in a positive direction.
Step 5
Set goals privately or with a therapist. If both spouses are working at the marriage, improvements in the relationship will be seen over time. The Mayo Clinic notes that not all marriages can survive infidelity, so setting a timeline for decisions about the future is important.
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