Unless you are living alone on an island away from any human contact, it is likely you are going to find yourself engaged in a conflict (argument) with another person. Conflict is inevitable because people come into relationships and the work place with their own set of ideas and life experiences. Resolving those conflicts sometimes seems impossible, but there are ideas and methods available to empower you to do just that.
Types
Conflict is defined as an opposition of needs, values or interests. The opposition may be actual in nature, or perceived to exist by at least one of the parties involved in the conflict.
Conflict may be internal (within yourself) or external (between two or more people).
There are three basic types of external conflict that may occur and each of them may occur in either a business or personal setting :
Task-related conflict which centers around the substance and/or goals of a particular situation or project.
Relationship conflict occurs based on words or actions of an interpersonal nature.
Process-related conflict centers on how an objective is achieved.
Communication Styles
Passive, assertive and aggressive are the three main styles of communication.
A passive communicator often defers to the other person. Passive communication is non-confrontational, meaning the passive communicator is less likely to be engaged in conflict, but the passive communicator is also less likely to state his thoughts, needs and ideas.
An aggressive communicator readily expresses his thoughts, needs and ideas, but does so in a manner that indicates these things are the most important considerations in a situation. Aggressive communication is the most likely of the three styles to result in conflict. His statements are filled with "you should" and "I know best."
An assertive communicator expresses his thoughts, needs and ideas, but does so in a manner that takes ownership without saying his is the only way. Assertive communicators may become involved in conflict, but this communication style lets the speaker take ownership without assigning blame as in the aggressive style.
A first step in conflict resolution would be to develop an awareness of your own communication style within these three types. If your communication style is passive or aggressive, you will want to learn to develop an assertive communication style, both as a person in a conflicting situation and as an outsider helping to resolve other people's conflicts.
Listening Skills
Sometimes a conflict occurs because of poor or miscommunication between involved parties. An important part of good communication skills is the ability to listen to what the other person is saying.
A helpful tool in conflict resolution is active listening. Don't try to interrupt the other speaker. Let her have her say, making eye contact as appropriate. When she has finished speaking, say to her: "To ensure my understanding of what you've said. . . ," then briefly repeat back to her what you received as her message.
This method allows both parties to be able to clear up any misconceptions in the messages delivered and helps to eliminate unclear communication.
Considerations
Anger management may be in order if you find yourself unable to handle situations without manifestations of anger becoming an issue. Many of the strategies from conflict resolution and anger management overlap.
The first step here is to recognize that you have issues with anger. If this is true, getting a handle on the problem will go a long way to not only resolving conflict, but may help you to avoid conflict situations in the future.
Health experts at the Mayo Clinic suggest that people with anger issues take a "time out" from the situation, carefully consider their words before they speak and consider solutions to the situation. These tips help with not only with anger management, but also resolution of conflict.
In conflict resolution, as in anger management, additional options to successfully handle the situation include the use of humor to diffuse a situation. Another method of handling conflict is for each of the involved persons to write out the problem and suggested solutions.
Solutions
Often times, conflicts may be resolved simply by using one or more of the steps discussed, such as becoming an active listener, walking away from the situation until cooler, clearer heads may prevail, and actively seeking solutions to the problem at hand.
To learn more about conflict resolution, there are available resources: Many companies offer their employees conflict resolution training; libraries, colleges and public schools often offer classes in one or more of these areas with nominal fees to attend; couples or families may wish to consult a counselor or spiritual adviser about specific conflicts or simply learning to resolve conflict in the present and the future.
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