When you are self-confident, you experience feelings of trust and certainty in your own understanding and abilities. A lack of self-confidence, on the other hand, can cause you to experience feelings of anxiety, uncertainty and even fear in the face of certain situations and circumstances. If you have ever struggled with self-confidence, you may think that it is an inborn trait or that some people have it and some people do not. Just as with any other positive emotion, self-confidence can be cultivated in your life through a number of positive, proactive changes and choices.
Step 1
Take personal responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, words and actions. Gary Smalley, in "The DNA of Relationships," explains that regardless of what situation you are facing, "you can choose your reaction." Even though you cannot control or change how other people treat you, you can choose what your reaction will be, and as you learn that you do have a choice in this area, you will gain more self-confidence as well.
Step 2
Learn to develop and to maintain healthy boundaries with others and with yourself. The more you take responsibility for your own life and avoid taking responsibility for the lives of those around you, the more self-confidence and freedom you will experience.
Step 3
Learn how to care for yourself in healthy ways, including spiritually, intellectually, physically and emotionally. Smalley explains that, while many people have a basic idea of how to care for themselves physically, intellectually and spiritually, "most of us simply do not understand the role that emotions are supposed to play in who we are." The more you learn about how to listen to and care for your emotions, the better you will feel about yourself.
Step 4
Look for ways to serve and to encourage other people in your day-to-day life. John Maxwell, in "Today Matters," explains that giving to and serving others "naturally changes a person's focus...from self to others," which "not only makes the world a better place, it makes the giver happier." Often, when you seek to give into someone else's life through an act of kindness or a word of encouragement, you will find that you benefit from the giving as well.
Step 5
Express gratitude every day for the good that you do experience in your life, such as by keeping a gratitude journal or writing one note of thank you. Choosing to express gratitude regularly can help you strengthen your own self-confidence.
Tips and Warnings
- Remember that self-confidence is not based on your external attributes or choices, such as your appearance, but rather on your internal thoughts and attitudes. Learning how to value yourself and your life will help you to experience more self-confidence.
- Remain persistent when seeking to change deep-seated insecurities and fears in your life, and seek professional counsel and advice if you realize that you do need help to experience more self-confidence in your life.
References
- "The DNA of Relationships"; Gary Smalley; 2004
- "Boundaries"; Henry Cloud, John Townsend; 2001
- "Today Matters"; John C. Maxwell; 2004
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