Abuse on a spouse can occur in different ways, including physically, sexually, verbally and mentally. All are severe, and should not be tolerated by anyone. The National Coalition for Domestic Violence reports that one in every four women will encounter some form of domestic violence throughout her life. If you are the victim of abuse in your marriage, you may want to consider filing for a divorce and ending your marriage. Although it can be especially challenging to escape the wrath of a controlling and dangerous situation, help is available.
Step 1
Consider an escape plan or plan of action. This may not be appropriate if you are in imminent danger. Try to compile what you will need to have to leave without your husband knowing you are doing so. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recommends having a small bag packed that includes birth certificates of you and your children, legal papers, car titles, ATM card, medication, prepaid cell phone and an extra set of keys hidden somewhere where will you will be able to leave without hesitation. Do not make him aware you are leaving or filing for divorce. This could put you in a dangerous situation.
Step 2
Save up money if possible. This is important to file for your divorce and preserve your marital assets. This can be difficult because many husbands control the finances and prevent wives from accessing funds, explains Divorce HQ. This is a symptom of a controlled relationship. You will need to have a nest egg available to maintain daily expenses and pay your attorney fees.
Step 3
Seek legal counsel. A good attorney will be a benefit to you throughout the divorce process. He will likely advise you to first file a personal protection order against your spouse. This will prevent him from contacting you or coming near you. Then he will ask you questions about any domestic violence incidents and if they have been filed in court. He will use this information to create a case against your husband so you can secure custody of your children, child support, your home and possibly alimony or settlement payments.
Step 4
Create allies. You will want as many people on your side as possible as you go through your divorce. Friends, family and acquaintances can offer support and also testify at your divorce proceedings as witnesses of past domestic disputes with your husband. Don't be afraid to speak out about being a survivor of domestic violence, you will be surprised to learn how many people will be supportive of your decision to get out of a dangerous situation.
Step 5
Locate support. It is important that you can locate your local domestic violence shelter so that you have a safe haven to go to if you need to find refuge. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources has resources for every state that can help put you in touch with your local shelter and support groups. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE, anytime of the day for immediate help and resources pertaining to your safety.
Tips and Warnings
- Choose an attorney that has experience with domestic violence and divorce cases. This will assure he covers every angle and knows how to approach a lawsuit regarding a history of abuse.
- If your life or the life of your children is in clear and present danger, call 911 immediately. Don't hesitate. Try to find a safe location in your home or leave to escape being hurt.
