Death is a natural part of the life cycle that most people prefer not to think about and few people talk about. This is one reason it can be difficult to determine the best way to support a bereaved friend or family member. According to grief counselors at Memorial Hospital, a hospice facility in Pennsylvania, it's important to understand grieving occurs in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. As he goes through these stages, your loved one may need different levels of support. The best and most caring way to determine what he needs at any point in the process is to ask.
Step 1
Reach out to your bereaved loved one. Early in the grieving process, it's common for a bereaved person to isolate himself from others. During this self-imposed isolation, your grieving friend may feel uncomfortable expressing his need to be around someone who cares about him. Make a point of calling to check in or dropping by to drag him out of the house on a regular basis. Be willing to provide a comforting presence to your friend without requiring him to talk or do anything special.
Step 2
Volunteer to be a nonjudgmental listener. It's important that a person in the grieving process have the opportunity to express their feelings. By providing a safe and nonjudgmental place for him to express himself, you will help your grieving friend heal faster.
Step 3
Reassure your loved one that his feelings are normal. According to Dr. Kirsti Dyer, internist and bereavement health educator, it will be normal for your friend's emotions to swing wildly from one extreme to another as he grieves. Many times friends and family will try to regulate a bereaved person's emotions by telling him to look on the bright side. This behavior only prolongs the grieving process by forcing the bereaved person to avoid or deny their feelings. Instead, show your friend compassion, by acknowledging his right to feel the way he does.
Step 4
Provide practical assistance. While grieving, the depression a bereaved person experiences often makes it hard for them to ask for assistance or find the motivation to perform regular activities. Offer to go grocery shopping for your bereaved friend or ask if you can help with laundry or household maintenance. Don't wait for them to ask for this type of help--assume they need it and offer it on a regular basis.
Step 5
Provide on-going support. The grieving process takes time and your friend may continue to grieve for several months or years after their loved one died. Be willing to listen and provide support for the long-haul without pressing your friend to heal "quicker."
