When your elderly parents move in with you can, the situation may create any number of complications in your life, from having less room and less privacy in your home to having more responsibilities added to your already full schedule. Interpersonal issues can arise over different ways of doing things and different perspectives on life. You may feel as if caring for your aging parents will create nothing but ongoing frustration and stress. You can, however, not only cope, but also enjoy the experience of having your elderly parents share your home and your life.
Step 1
Find support and encouragement for yourself from a support network of understanding friends and family members or a caregiver support group affiliated with your local religious group or from your community. Cheryl A. Kuba, in "Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents," explains that "...you face a path of unknown length and uncertain destinations..." when you become a caregiver for your parents, and you need outside help and support along that journey.
Step 2
Seek to understand your parents' thoughts and emotions about the changes in their life circumstances and their increasing dependence on others. You may, for example, set aside time to ask them questions about how they truly feel about living with you. Listen non-judgmentally and uncritically and seek to really hear and empathize with them. Understanding their perspective will help you more effectively navigate challenges that do arise.
Step 3
Think ahead to possible concerns and needs that may arise in the midst of caring for your parents, such as an emergency trip to the hospital or an unexpected medical expense, and do what you can to prepare for these situations. Barbara Silverstone and Helen Kandel Hyman, in "You and Your Aging Parents: A Family Guide," recommend enlisting the help of other family members to develop possible solutions for problems that may be faced.
Step 4
Continue to make taking care of yourself a priority throughout the time that your elderly parents live with you. Kuba explains that the stress you experience during this time can cause you to make "...mistakes in performing routine tasks...," from "...locking your keys inside the car to forgetting to pick up the kids at school...," as well as potentially more serious errors. You need to prioritize time off to regularly refresh and recharge yourself.
Step 5
Discover the benefits that can come from this chapter in your life and your parents' lives. Gary Smalley, in "Keys to Loving Relationships," describes the process of "treasure hunting" as "...a way of re-evaluating your experiences and looking for positive results of negative situations." As you "treasure hunt" in your situation with your elderly parents, you will be able to discover and to appreciate the benefits that can result from your new arrangement.
Tips and Warnings
- Remain patient with yourself and your parents as you go through the adjustment period of learning to live with each other and share your lives.
- Avoid destructive behaviors, such as relying on or retreating to substance abuse. Instead, seek professional help if you find yourself tempted to make harmful choices as a way to cope.
References
- "Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents: What Care Receivers Want"; Cheryl A. Kuba; 2006
- "You & Your Aging Parent: A Family Guide"; Barbara Silverstone, Helen Kandel Hyman; 2008
- "Keys to Loving Relationships"; Gary Smalley; 2003
