Effective communication techniques, when put into practice, can transform your relationships with your spouse, your teenager, co-workers and peers. Communication can help you resolve conflict, navigate confusion and increase intimacy and trust in relationships. Even if you feel you lack competence in this area, all you need to do is invest a little patience and time to learn how to communicate well with others.
Step 1
Engage in active listening during conversations with others, by focusing on what the other person is saying, using appropriate nonverbal communication cues and asking questions to clarify meaning. Susan Sullivan and Jeffrey Glanz, in "Building Effective Learning Communities: Strategies for Leadership and Learning," explain that active listening encourages "...the speaker to continue, and indicate[s] that you are following carefully..."
Step 2
Use nonverbal communication cues both when speaking and when listening to show your commitment to and involvement in your conversation with another person. For example, Sullivan and Glanz recommend that you face the person to whom you are speaking, lean forward when he speaks, make eye contact with comfortable frequency and respond with affirmative nods and smiles.
Step 3
Practice paraphrasing what the other person is saying in uncritical ways to ensure clear understanding of her thoughts, feelings and ideas. David Knox and Caroline Schacht, in "Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and Family," explain that paraphrasing not only shows that you are listening, but also "...increases the accuracy of the listener's understanding of what the speaker is saying."
Step 4
Communicate your disagreement with another person through "I" instead of "you" statements. Knox and Schacht explain that "...'I' statements are a clear and non-threatening way of expressing what you want and how you feel..." For example, instead of criticizing by saying "you are always unreliable," focus on your feelings and needs by explaining, "I feel upset when you don't follow through, and I would feel better if you let me know ahead of time."
Step 5
Keep conversations focused on the central issue or concern instead of allowing the focus to shift or to branch off to minor, ancillary matters. Knox and Schacht explain that "branching" often contributes to breakdown of communication between two parties. You can remain focused on the issue at hand by minimizing internal and external distractions and by making note of other matters to discuss in future conversations.
Tips and Warnings
- Do remain committed to effective communication by taking classes, reading books and embracing opportunities to practice your communication skills in personal and professional settings.
- Do not allow poor or miscommunication in relationships to carry on indefinitely. Communication issues rarely resolve themselves, but instead cause damage when left unaddressed.
References
- "Building Effective Learning Communities: Strategies for Leadership and Learning"; Susan Sullivan, Jeffrey Glanz; 2005
- "Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and the Family"; David Knox, Caroline Schacht; 2009
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