Being in an abusive marriage is traumatic--and yet, it may be difficult to make the decision to leave. You may feel that you have nowhere to go, or you worry about your ability to provide for yourself and your children. You may be terrified about how your husband might lash out at you for leaving him. Although these reasons can be scary and paralyzing, be aware that help is available. Many resources and organizations exist to help you safely transition from an abusive home to a new, better life.
Step 1
Tell someone about the abuse.The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists notes that the first step in breaking the pattern of abuse is telling someone you trust--a friend, clergy member, a social worker--about the abuse. Many women feel more secure knowing that someone is aware of their situation.
Step 2
Keep records of the abuse. In preparation for leaving, the National Domestic Violence Hotline recommends that you keep a detailed journal of your abuse. The journal should include dates of incidents, threats made and the nature of the abuse. Take pictures of any physical injuries, when possible, and ask any doctors who attended to your injuries to make a record of your visit.
Step 3
Set aside money. If possible, start putting aside money to be used to support yourself or handle emergencies after you leave him. If you are afraid to leave the money in your home or in your bank account, ask a trusted friend to hold the money for you.
Step 4
Develop your job skills. You will feel more confident about your ability to support yourself if you hone or develop job skills or take courses at a community college to make yourself more marketable.
Step 5
Pack a suitcase. According to Helpguide, a website for abused and battered women, you should be ready to leave at a moment's notice. When it is safe to do so, pack a suitcase in advance and leave it with a trusted friend or family member. The suitcase should contain an extra set of clothes for yourself and your children, toiletries, a spare set of keys to your home and car, a checkbook and treasured possessions such as pictures or jewelry. If possible, you should also store away important documents--copies are okay--such as passports, green cards, insurance information, marriage and birth certificates, immunization and medical records, and titles and deeds to property you own jointly with your husband.
Step 6
Contact a local domestic violence shelter. Ask the shelter workers what aid and resources are available to you after you leave your husband, and if you must leave your husband in a crisis situation. According to FindCounseling.org, many shelters offer counseling, temporary living quarters and can assist you with job training or vocational counseling.
Step 7
Create an emergency escape plan. Ask family or friends that you trust if you can count on them for a ride, or to stay in their home in the event you must leave home quickly. Memorize the address of your local battered women's shelter so that you can go there, if you have nowhere else to go. Helpguide suggests that the plan should include a physical escape route from your house--consider windows or back doors, if necessary---so that you can leave quickly, if possible, during an attack.
Step 8
Choose a good time to leave. Plan to leave when your husband is away or another time you can sneak away without him knowing. Know exactly where you will go and with whom you will stay. Choose people that your husband is unlikely to know. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, if necessary, you can request a police escort or have the police stand by as you leave.
Tips and Warnings
- Once you have left, request a protective order against your husband so that he cannot come within a certain distance of you without risking arrest and potential jail time. Remember that for a protective order to be effective, you must promptly report violations to the police.
- As you prepare to leave, always be on your guard. Do not keep in your home any documents or papers that suggest that you are considering leaving. Always erase your tracks on your computer or use a computer outside of your home.
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