In premarital counseling, you and your betrothed will explore some of the most common problems that you may encounter as a married couple, as well as ways you can guard against and address these problems in the future. This type of counseling can last anywhere from a one-time meeting to multiple sessions over the course of a few months. Choosing to complete premarital counseling can help you and your future spouse to strengthen your marriage relationship before it begins.
Step 1
Check with the minister who will be performing your nuptials about whether you should complete premarital counseling with him. Russell K. Elleven, in "Reverent Rituals: A Brief Wedding Guide," explains that some ministers and churches require a couple to complete a course of premarital counseling before the couple is married by the minister or within the church.
Step 2
Ask your minister to refer you to someone in your area who can help you to complete a course in premarital counseling. Your minister may, in fact, be able to refer you to another local pastor, on the church staff or with another church, who conducts premarital counseling sessions or classes on a regular basis. An online search and a few phone calls may also point you toward area churches that offer premarital counseling classes or resources.
Step 3
Solicit suggestions from couples whom you know have been married in the past three to five years, and then ask for a specific referral if a couple mentions a premarital counselor with whom they enjoyed working. Even if the counselor does not live in the same area, you may be able to complete the premarital counseling sessions through phone or video conferences.
Step 4
Research the counselors in your area who may specialize in premarital counseling. Elleven recommends looking for pastoral counselors, who are members of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors and who focus on using "spiritual resources as well as psychological understanding for healing and growth."
Step 5
Consider working with a national organization that offers premarital counseling as part of its network of ministries or services. Rachel Safier and Wendy Roberts, in "There Goes the Bride: Making Up Your Mind, Calling it Off and Moving On," recommend the faith-based program FOCCUS, offered by the Family Ministries division of the Archdiocese of Chicago, and the secular PREPARE, offered by Life Innovations, Inc.
Tips and Warnings
- Ask for family members and friends to help you with your search for a good premarital counselor. They may have connections who will be able to refer you to the right individual.
- Do not give up in your search, even though you may be tempted to do so in the midst of busy wedding preparations. The benefits of premarital counseling will be worth the effort.
References
- "Reverent Rituals: A Brief Wedding Guide"; Russell K Elleven; 2003
- "There Goes the Bride: Making Up Your Mind, Calling it Off and Moving On"; Rachel Safier, Wendy Roberts; 2003
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