If you are worried because your child is experiencing stranger anxiety with a grandparent, fear not. This behavior is totally normal during development. And, while it might hurt the grandparent's feelings, it is a stage that your baby will typically outgrow in a few months. In the meantime, there are steps you can take to reduce the stranger anxiety in your child and make separation from your child easier on you and your baby.
Definition
It is normal for your baby to become wary of strangers between the ages of seven and nine months. This is called stranger anxiety. According to the Mayo Clinic, "Your baby may resist staying with anyone other than you, shunning even grandparents or familiar baby sitters." Why does this occur? Because your baby can now tell the difference between you and strangers, and babies prefer their parents. And with this anxiety, your baby may "begin to fuss and cry whenever you leave their sight," claims Dr. Alan Greene.
Effects
Stranger anxiety and separation anxiety are interrelated. When your child experiences stranger anxiety, he is also experiencing separation anxiety. Your child does not want to be separated from you. There are no long-term effects of this anxiety on your child, as long as it is resolved by age two and does not interfere with your child's normal development. But, for a grandparent, it can hurt to have a beloved grandchild suddenly undergo stranger anxiety.
Object Permanence
Babies need to learn that when you leave, you will return. This will make your baby's visit with his grandparents much more pleasant and diminish some of the child's anxiety and the hurt feelings of the grandparents. Peek-A-Boo is a great game that teaches your child object permanence, or that you still exist, even if you are not in the same room with your child. Object permanence is an important developmental stage directly related to stranger anxiety. If a child knows you will return, then your child will experience less anxiety around others.
Strategies
There are many strategies you can use to diminish the anxiety for you and your baby when you leave your child with a grandparent. If the grandparent is providing child care while you are away on a trip, for example, have the grandparent come early. Offer your child comfort and love and encourage the grandparents to do the same. Separation from a parent can be exacerbated when a child is tired or hungry, so try to have your child fed and well-rested before a visit with the grandparents.
Warnings
Merck.com recommends that if the intensity of your child's anxiety is strong or if it lasts longer than normal, your child might be experiencing "generalized anxiety and should prompt evaluation of the family situation, parenting techniques, and the child's overall emotional state." If your child's anxiety is abnormal, you should ask your child's physician for techniques or treatment plans to reduce the anxiety.
