When a friend is depressed, she can feel hopeless, and so can you. First and foremost, encourage her to help herself, then set realistic expectations for helping her through her depression. "You naturally want to help your depressed loved one, but do not expect to solve all of her problems. No one can do that," advise Laura Epstein Rosen and Xavier Francisco Amador, authors of the book "When Someone You Love Is Depressed." Be patient and supportive with your friend and also with yourself as you help her overcome her depression.
Step 1
Encourage your friend to seek treatment from a mental health professional. "The first and most important thing you can do to help a friend or relative who has depression is to help him or her get an appropriate diagnosis and treatment," advises the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). You might need to make the appointment on behalf of your friend or accompany him to the appointment. Encourage him to seek different treatment if he doesn't notice improvement within six to eight weeks, according to the NIMH.
Step 2
Tell your friend you support her. Let her know that depression is a medical condition, not a personal flaw, and that with treatment she can feel better, advises the Mayo Clinic. Be positive and cheerful, but not so much that it comes off as insincere or forced.
Step 3
Set personal boundaries with your friend, even if you feel guilty doing so, according to "Psychology Today" contributor Jenna Baddeley. If you feel comfortable listening to your friend talk about his problems for ten minutes but not an hour, tell him. This is a reasonable request that your friend should respect.
Step 4
Listen, but don't nag her or tell her to "snap out of it." Many people fail to accept that depression is an illness like any other and wonder why a depressed person can't just "get over it." "This makes about as much sense as telling a diabetic to snap out of a diabetic coma or telling an epileptic to snap out of his fit," says Carl Walker, author of "Depression and Globalization: The Politics of Mental Health in the 21st Century." Praise your friend for any progress she makes, no matter how small it seems.
Step 5
Encourage your friend to go on a walk with you, visit a museum or see a movie. "Keep trying if he or she declines, but don't push him or her to take on too much too soon. Although diversions and company are needed, too many demands may increase feelings of failure," says the NIMH.
Step 6
Remind your friend that with treatment and time, he can get better. Tell him you're available for periodic check-ins and that you'll be a sounding board for him to discuss his progress and concerns.
Step 7
Call the toll-free, 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline hot line at 800-273-8255 if your friend mentions hurting herself or talks or writes about wanting to commit suicide. A trained counselor can help both you and your friend.
References
- NIMH: How Can I Help a Friend or Relative Who Is Depressed?
- Mayo Clinic: Depression: Helping a Family Member or Friend
- Psychology Today: How to Help a Depressed Friend (and When to Stop Trying), Part 2
- "Depression and Globalization: The Politics of Mental Health in the 21st Century"; Carl Walker; 2008
- "When Someone You Love Is Depressed"; Laura Epstein Rosen and Xavier Francisco Amador; 1997
