You gave up your baby for adoption believing that you were doing what was best for your child. Every year on your child's birthday, you remember your baby. But now you are older, and the heartache has never gone away. Your baby is now an adult. You have decided to search for your child. You are looking for information on ways to find him and how to navigate the emotional whirlpool of a reunion.
Step 1
Assemble all of the information that you have about your child in a file folder or in a computer file. Make extra copies of the information and put it in a bank box or upload it to a free online file storage system such as dropbox.com.
Step 2
Review books on birth parent and adoptee searches that will provide search ideas and walk you through the emotional difficulties of the search. An example of helpful literature is the 2001 book, "The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide: Preparing Yourself for the Search, Reunion, and Beyond" by adoption activists Julie Jarrell Bailey and Lynn N. Giddens.
Step 3
Find out what your state's laws say regarding contacting your child. Thirty states have mutual consent registries, where you can leave information enabling your child to find you if your child searches for you. State laws on this subject are different in each state, so you may wish to consult a free downloadable U.S. Department of Health and Human Services booklet describing each state's rules, "Access to Adoption Records: Summary of State Laws."
Step 4
Contact the lawyer and the adoption agency that handled your child's adoption, and ask if they can provide you with any information about your child's adoptive parents and your child. Because state laws on what information they can provide you vary from one state to the next, consider hiring an adoption lawyer to guide you through the legal maze. One source of adoption lawyers is the American Academy of Adoption Lawyers.
Step 5
Become a member of national birth parent and adoptee organizations, such as Concerned United Birthparents. Your peers can offer you emotional support and give you search advice. Sign up with reunion registries such as the Adoption Reunion Registry. And post your search on birth parent and adoptee message boards such as the Sunflower Birthmom Support Group's message board.
Step 6
Search social networking websites such as Facebook, Linkedin and MySpace for groups devoted to birth parent and adoptee searches. One example is Facebook's "Adoptee and Birth Mother Searching" group. Free people locator websites such as zoominfo.com and pipl.com, can assist your search if you know your child's adoptive name or the names of your child's adoptive parents.
Step 7
Employ a detective or private investigator, if your own efforts to find your child are not successful. Some investigative agencies advertise that they have special expertise in birth family searches. Handle hiring a private detective or investigator in the same way that you would handle hiring any professional--ask about credentials, references and licensing.
References
- "The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide: Preparing Yourself for the Search, Reunion, and Beyond"; Julie Jarrell Bailey and Lynn N. Giddens; 2001
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Acess to Adoption Records: Summary of State Laws
- American Academy of Adoption Attorneys
- Adoption.com: Adoption Reunion Registry
- Concerned United Birthparents
