The years after children go off to college or start their own lives is often called the empty nest. The dynamics of the household and family structure change, sometimes for the better, but sometimes for the worse. Some parents, both mothers and fathers, may have an especially difficult time, which requires extra coping skills.
Friends and Family
In a paper published in the 1981 "Canadian Family Physician," William Clelland and Gordon Chaytors say that parents whose marriages are strong can have an easier time letting their children leave for college. But husbands and wives who have had unresolved conflicts or have neglected their marriages while the children have grown up can have more difficulty. Psychotherapist Christine Webber and Dr. David Delvin of netdoctor.co.uk suggest trying to rejuvenate the relationship by taking trips together, or, if the relationship is severely lacking, taking a trip to the counselor.
An article by life coach Kim Kirmmse Toth on the over-50 community website Let Life In suggests that the weeks and months after a child leaves for college can be a wonderful time to start or resume friendships. A parent who is sad over the departure of her children can reconnect with friends, many of whom are going through the same circumstances.
Career and Other Interests
Webber and Delvin suggest that after children leave home, parents can renew interest in career options that were deferred while the children were growing up. This might mean a relocation for a better job or a career change. A return to school for an advanced degree can be another option, along with hobbies that were put on the shelf in favor of football games and family nights.
Leisure Time
On the other hand, slowing down and relaxing can be an option for many parents who spent years helping children with their homework and taxiing them to various activities. Some parents might immerse themselves in work to avoid confronting the loss, according to Dr. Barbara Killinger, a clinical psychologist and author of "Workaholics: The Respectable Addicts." But once parents have confronted those feelings, they might find that they enjoy having some time on their hands. Life coach, Dr. Vijay Sharma advises parents to start planning for this transition to a creative and happy empty nest when the youngest child leaves elementary school.
Stay in Touch
One way of coping with the departure of children is staying in touch with them. And thanks to Skype, Facebook, email and the cellphone, that's easier than ever to do. Although parents must take care to avoid overdoing it, touching base with children can assure them that the kids are OK. An occasional trip to the college can do the same, allowing parents to take the children out for a good dinner and hand over some always-appreciated spending money.
References
- Canadian Family Physician: The Role of Family Physicians in Empty Nest Transitions
- Netdoctor.co.uk: Empty Nest Syndrome
- Letlifein.com: 5 Ways to Conquer Empty Nest Syndrome
- Psychology of Women Quarterly
- Workaholics: The Respectable Addicts; Barbara Killinger, Ph.D., 1991
