According to Dr. Ruth Peters, a clinical psychologist and contributor to "Today," the most effective way to discipline a strong-willed eleven-year-old child is with reasonable and logical consequences. It is also critical that parents keep the consequences age-appropriate and to remain consistent. Children of this age are developmentally capable of communicating with parents through dialogue, and it is important to recognize this developmental shift when talking about expectations and consequences. It's also important that parents set a tone of mutual respect and open discussion regarding household rules and expectations. When rules are violated, consistent consequences should be applied.
Step 1
Make sure an eleven-year-old child is involved in activities he enjoys that keep him physically active and mentally stimulated. As Dr. Ruth Peters notes, children who are inactive can grow bored, unhappy, and even willful. While parents shouldn't "over-program" their child's activities, they should make sure a child is involved in some hobbies or sports that he enjoys.
Step 2
Role-model respectful communication and actions during disciplinary issues. Dr. Ruth Peters suggests that parents can create a dialogue about discipline with children. By listening to the child's perspective, parents reinforce a sense of fairness. Parents also provide a sense of stability when they calmly and consistently reinforce limits. It's critical for a willful eleven-year-old to know he will be listened to, but it is also critical that he has limits and knows that the parents have the final say.
Step 3
Restrict a child from specific activities or privileges. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that withholding privileges can be an effective form of discipline. Parents should not, however, restrict a child from using an item he has to use or doing an activity he has to do. Taking away the computer if a child has to type a school assignment will only create discord and confusion. Taking away access to the computer for games or recreational use is a valid consequence.
Step 4
Write a list of rules and consequences ahead of time, and be consistent about follow-through. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, if a child has a reoccurring behavior that is a serious concern, parents can create a series of escalating consequences. The consequences may start off small and gradually increase to be more serious. If I child knows the expectations and possible consequences ahead of time, she may be more likely to avoid the target behavior.
References
- MSNBC Today: Tackle Those Grade-school and Tween Challenges; Ruth Peters
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Changing Your Child's Behavior
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Disciplining Your Child
- Mental Health America: Positive Parenting
- American Academy of Pediatrics: General Rules for Disciplining Teens
