Verbal abuse isn't necessarily less painful than physical abuse. It may, however, be more readily overlooked or denied due to an individual not admitting how hurtful words can be. This form of abuse takes on many forms, such as manipulation, lying, the enforcing of strict control or statement of hurtful words. Leaving any form of abusive relationship can be difficult as many victims fear retaliation or a worsening of the violence. A small amount of planning, when possible, can make leaving an abusive relationship more successful. This is not to say leaving will be any easier.
Step 1
Involve a professional, trusted loved one or friend if you suspect you may be in a verbally abusive relationship. Realize that no matter how minor the statements your partner may make, the way they make you feel is what determines whether or not it is abuse.
Step 2
Discuss the specific steps you will take to leave the abuser with your support person. This may include picking a time to pack a few vital belongings if you share your home with the abuser. If children are involved, it is important to make plans to remove them and their vital belongings. Packing up everything isn't necessary; simply gather things that will be needed for a period of several days.
Step 3
Collect the items while accompanied by the trusted person you have enlisted for help. Don't bring children if it can be avoided. If the abuser can be violent, contact the local police department and ask them to escort you during this process if you feel it is necessary for your safety.
Step 4
Leave the home with your immediately necessary belongings. If the abuser is present, don't discuss the situation with her at this time as the conversation will likely escalate out of control. Attempt to leave when the abuser is not present if at all possible.
Step 5
Explain or discuss your intentions with the abuser only if necessary and preferably after you have already left the home. If necessary, give the abuser a timeframe of when you plan to call or meet with him to discuss the ending of the relationship. This is typically only necessary when property, children or a marriage is involved.
Step 6
Contact the abuser to arrange a time and place to talk about things.
Step 7
Meet in a public place and preferably with another individual present.
Step 8
State whether the relationship can be reconciled. If your plan is to seek marital or relationship therapy, then give the abuser clear guidelines, such as scheduling an appointment and expecting her to be there. If the relationship can't be reconciled, state your intentions, such as plans for filing for divorce or how shared property will be divided in a pre-marital relationship.
Step 9
Contact an attorney to discuss legal matters, like divorce, the custody of children or the separation of joint assets, whether or not a marriage was involved.
Step 10
Attend couple's therapy appointments while living apart, if possible. If the relationship is irreconcilable, rely heavily on supportive friends or family to help you stay away from the abuser. Reconciling the relationship is not a requirement. Each individual must do what is best for his personal situation.
Step 11
Attend personal therapy sessions to cope with the grieving process of ending a relationship and to address the impact of the verbal abuse.
Tips and Warnings
- An abusive individual may intensify her efforts to control or manipulate you after the relationship has ended. Relying on a support system or a mental health professional can make this somewhat easier.
- Contact the police if the abuser shows up at your home, place of work or the place where you are staying despite having been told to leave.
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