The scene is set: A shopping parent, a 3-year-old toddler, and a Malibu Stacy doll. The toddler's eyes shift to the toy that the parent is not prepared to purchase. The embarrassment rises as the toddler wails, flails and screams leaving the flummoxed parent at her mercy with the eyes of store patrons upon them. According to the National Institutes of Health, temper tantrums occur when children lack the capacity to verbally express their frustrations with emotional, mental or physical challenges. However, for the parent in the store, the question is, "How do I deal with this?"
Step 1
First, maintain your composure. No matter how embarrassing or frustrating the situation, parents should lead by example by remaining in control of their emotions. Avoid hitting or screaming at your toddler, because this can make the tantrum worse. Tantrums are a natural part of childhood and your role as parent is to manage them.
Step 2
Next, assess the situation. With the kicking, arm swinging, and head bumping, tantrums can be dangerous. Remove your child from places and objects that may cause him or anyone else harm. Some psychologists recommend isolating your child, according to Dana H. Davidson at the University of Hawaii.
Step 3
Attempting to discipline or reason with a toddler in the middle of a tantrum is not advised. No amount of logic and reasoning can be heard when a toddler is having a tantrum. Often, temper tantrums are about children seeking attention. The Yale Medical Group recommends that parents continue doing whatever they were doing prior to the tantrum, calmly ignore the attention-seeking behavior and walk away.
Step 4
Stand firm. Some toddlers use tantrums as a means to get what they want. Many parents fill the child's request in an effort to avoid public outbursts and subsequent embarrassment. Giving in to the demands of an angry child promotes more tantrums.
Step 5
Talk, listen and teach. When the child has calmed, discuss the source of the anger or frustration and teach appropriate coping methods. Dr. Harvey Karp, author of "The Happiest Toddler on the Block," suggests using small words and short sentences when speaking with children. Talk to the child about how to ask for help, how to verbally express her feelings, and how to calm down when she begins to feel impatient and overwhelmed.
Tips and Warnings
- If the tantrum occurs in public, taking the child to the restroom or the back seat of the car where there is no audience will allow you to gain control of the situation. Apply age appropriate discipline. The American Academy of Pediatrics recomments one minute of time out for each year of age.
References
- National Institutes of Health. Temper Tantrums
- Davidson D, Temper Tantrums in Young Children, University of Hawaii Department of Family and Consumer Sciences (2003)
- Yale Medical Group. Temper Tantrums
- Karp H, The Happiest Baby on the Block
- American Academy of Pediatrics. Family Life. Temper Tantrums
