It can feel scary when you try to talk to a girl, because it matters to you. You want her to like you. Get ahead of the game by learning a little about communication skills. Remember, you don't need to come up with stunning opening lines to get a girl's attention.
Your non-verbal behavior tells her more about you than any words---your body language, facial expression and tone of voice send powerful messages. She's likely to base some judgments about you on how you look, according to Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, so spend some extra time cleaning yourself up.
Step 1
Lose some tension from your body. Breathe in slowly through your nose and then out through your mouth, emptying your lungs. Feel your body relax as you breathe out.
Step 2
Approach her with a smile and make eye contact. Stand a respectful distance away from her---crowding makes anyone uncomfortable. Let your body tilt gently to mirror hers. If she leans on a bar, lean alongside her. This puts her at ease with you. Keep your body language open and avoid crossing your arms. It may make you feel safer, but it puts a barrier between the two of you.
Step 3
Say something simple in a friendly voice. "Hello," is a good start. Avoid trying to make a joke unless you are a talented comedian. Save that for later. Your aim at this stage is just to make contact and get her to respond to you.
Step 4
Read her body language. Remember that she probably feels nervous, too, even though she may try to hide it. Watch for her eyes opening wider, which means she may be interested in you.
If her shoulders hunch, she could be feeling tense. If her skin flushes and she is leaning toward you, she wants to get to know you. By watching for these signs, you'll forget your own nervousness and be able to better focus on her.
Step 5
Talk about simple topics. Chat about the traffic or the place where you are standing. Ask her if she had a good day or ask her what she saw on TV.
Listen carefully to her answers, nodding to let her know you are listening to her and that you understand what she means. Follow up on the topics you notice she likes, and drop a topic of conversation if she begins to show less interest. As a general rule, avoid talking about sports or cars unless you know she cares about them.
Tips and Warnings
- Show her your real personality. Dress and behave in a way that feels right to you. Sincerity always comes off better than trying to be someone else. Practice relaxation techniques so often that you know you can use them whenever you feel anxious about talking to a girl. The website Mind Tools suggests you try some techniques based on focused breathing and relaxation of muscles all over your body. Practice your communication techniques all the time with people you meet. Then they'll be second nature when you want to talk to someone special. Do your homework. If you can, find out what the girl enjoys and how she likes to spend her time, then talk about those things.
- Never feel you have to fill every pause in the conversation. A quiet smile is more attractive than nervous chatter.
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