Missing an opportunity to connect with a man can be frustrating -- it can also keep you single for longer than you would like. You may have to step outside of your comfort zone to get the attention you’re seeking. If you suffer from “approach anxiety,” says dating coach and conversation expert Wayne Elise, writing for Psychology Today, this anxiety may arise in social situations due to a fear of rejection. Once you learn to manage any fears, you will be able to make yourself more available to men.
Smile at him and at the others around you. Apathetic facial expressions will keep a man from taking notice of you, so flash a look of happiness at the guy across the room. A man is more likely to approach you and initiate a conversation with you if you have a smile on your face, says Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project.”
Send positive signals by improving your body language. Nonverbal communication is the most common way in which people interact with others and “all nonverbal communication has meaning,” says Joe Navarro, former Federal Bureau of Investigation counterintelligence agent, and author of "What Every Body is Saying." Your posture and demeanor can reveal a wealth of information about your comfort with yourself and with others, says retired psychiatrist Richard Blatner. Your body language directly impacts the emotional impact you give to other people, he says.
Develop eye contact. Men are more likely to make an advance you if you’ve acknowledged them with even a brief glance. You can show him that you’re interested without ever having to say a word, Navarro says. The next time you make eye contact with the man at the end of bar, hold the stare, because sometimes “looking away is sensed as avoidance or even deviousness,” says Blatner .
Exhibit self-confidence. Men find confidence to be an attractive quality in a woman. Discern which of your positive characteristics are the most noticeable to others, and emphasize those attributes, according to “Avoiding Mr. Wrong” authors Stephen Arterburn and Meg J. Rinck. If people tend to compliment your eyes or your smile, accentuate them. Do what you need to do to make yourself feel more confident and sexy—update your hairstyle or buy some new clothes.
Become available and approachable. Engage in casual conversation with those around you. Don’t surround yourself with a posse of your friends. If you go out with a crowd of your girlfriends, try to spend time away from the group because men find it more difficult to approach you if you’re with a large number of people. Don’t shy away from saying hello to the man you have been watching. He may need the reassurance to start a conversation.
- Psychology Today: How to Deal with Approach Anxiety
- What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People; Joe Navarro.
- Adam Blatner, M.D.: About Nonverbal Communications
- The Happiness Project: Friendship: Seven Tips for Making New Friends.
- Avoiding Mr. Wrong; Stephen Arterburn and Meg J. Rinck.