When you date someone other than your child's father, the law grants that person few, if any, rights to the child. Even if your boyfriend provides monetary support and has a significant role in the child's life, that doesn't earn him any legal rights to decide how the child should be raised. Though you can take your boyfriend's advice and ask him his opinion, you are your child's parent and retain all custody and legal rights.
Basis
You, as your child's parent, have the legal right and responsibility to care for and raise your child. These custody rights come in two forms: the legal right to make child-rearing decisions and the legal right to have the child live with you. As the child's mother you received these rights upon your child's birth. Only a court can grant custody to someone other than a child's parents and unless this has happened, your boyfriend has no legal rights to your child.
Effects
If your boyfriend supports you and your child, he does so out of his own volition and has no legal duty to do so. That he chooses to provide support has no effect on his legal rights to raise your child. But that doesn't mean he can never have such a right. If, for example, you and your boyfriend get married and ask the court to name him your child's parent, and the court grants this request, he then gains legal custody over the child. This process is adoption.
Signifigance
Your relationship with your boyfriend can also have a significant impact on any alimony or support you receive from the child's father. While courts can change child support payments, living with your boyfriend is usually not enough reason for a court to lower any child support payments the father has to make. But if you receive spousal support, your ex-husband can seek a reduction in alimony based on your boyfriend's support. Your boyfriend has no duty to provide such support, but receiving it can affect your rights.
Considerations
Even though your boyfriend is not your child's father, doesn't have legal custody and has no duty to support or provide for your child, the mere act of being your boyfriend and volunteering support and supervision can make him legally responsible for acts of neglect or child endangerment. All states have child endangerment and abandonment laws that require anyone caring for or supervising a child to provide adequate care so as to ensure the child is not hurt or endangered. This can include your boyfriend.
Warning
The rights and obligations your boyfriend has toward you and your child is a complicated subject. Talk to a lawyer about your situation. An experienced family law attorney knows what laws apply and can tell you what your options are and advise you on what you need to do.
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