Death is always a trying time for the survivors. Often it is hard to find the right words or actions to display feelings and emotions. It's vital to remember that this is a difficult time for everyone involved including surviving spouses, partners, children, relatives and friends. Each had a unique relationship to the deceased. One of the most impactful moments of life is the death of your father. This leaves you in a new position as a child and a source of support and comfort for your mother.
Listen to Your Mother
Never before has this advice been more important. Use this as a time to lend your open ear to your mom. She might want to talk about stories you have heard 1,000 times. Listen for 1,001. It is part of her cycle to talk through those memories and to walk down those paths one more time. Perhaps before she would laugh when she told the tales and now she might cry. Give her the supportive ear for laughter or tears.
Don't Judge Her Actions
Now more than ever you need to have non-judgmental glasses on. You might see a different side of your mother come through. It is a natural part of the grieving process to find an identity for yourself, or in this case, your mother. Give her the support to emerge into this new time in her life with confidence.
Respect Their Relationship
Children often want to imagine that there were never any conflicts or problems in their parents' marriage. Well, there were and they worked through them in the best way they could. If your mom decides she now wants to take an art class, take up yoga or cut her hair in a new style, support her. Perhaps it is something she has always wanted to do but never could until Dad passed away.
Bring Her Flowers
Try to do some of the little things that she really likes or continue small traditions that Dad used to do for her. This might include something like a monthly visit to her favorite restaurant or a fresh bouquet of flowers, anything that will give her a happy experience and remind her how much she is loved. In the early stages of the loss, enlist the help of several friends and relatives on this one as well.
Be With Her On Holidays
Holidays are traditionally the most challenging time after the death of a spouse or loved one. This grief can be softened when surrounded by loved ones who will help start new traditions that embrace this new path. Talk with her about how she might like to handle the holidays. She might decide she wants to continue with the traditions already in place, but, she also might take this as an opportunity to start her own holiday traditions.
Encourage Relationships
It is important to gently encourage your mother to remain engaged, or to become engaged, in social activities. If she has a strong social circle, be sure to check in and ask about her participation with friends. If she had not established a core group of friends, take the time to seek them out with her. Start with hobby groups and activities that she might be interested in. Go with her. Ask questions. Show your genuine interest in this aspect of her life.
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