"Most survivors single out loneliness as the worst of their tribulations," notes Bruce Chapin, author of the book "The Hardest Challenge: Surviving the Death of a Spouse." To cope with loneliness after the death of a loved one, you have to make a concerted effort to heal.
Step 1
Allow yourself to feel the pain and grief of your loss. "If you want someday to have as fulfilled a life as possible, sooner or later you must go through the pain. Going through it is what will help you heal," says Therese Rando, Ph.D., author of the book "How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies."
Step 2
Resist the urge to stay home alone. Turn to family and friends for emotional support. Spend time with people you love and don't isolate yourself. Have coffee with friends. Plan weekly dinner nights with family members. Get a pet to take care of and keep you company, advises HelpGuide.org.
Step 3
Attend a local bereavement support group. Sharing your feelings with those who have experienced similar losses can help you feel less lonely, advises HelpGuide.org. Call a local hospital, hospice, funeral home or counseling center to find a support group in your area.
Step 4
Take care of yourself by eating a balanced diet and getting regular exercise. Try to get enough sleep and avoid unhealthy behaviors such as drinking alcohol.
Step 5
Pursue things that bring you happiness. Take up new hobbies or rediscover an activity you used to love. Take a class. Volunteer at a local organization. Attend group social functions at a local senior center, art gallery or school. Meet new people and make new friends.
Step 6
Do something nice for yourself every once in a while. Get a pedicure or massage. According to a study published in the April 2000 issue of the "Journal of Clinical Nursing," receiving hand or foot massages after the death of a loved one can ease stress and provide feelings of consolation to the bereaved.
Step 7
Plan for "triggers," such as anniversaries, holidays or birthdays, advises HelpGuide.org. Loneliness may feel especially painful at these times. Make plans to spend these times with loved ones honoring the person's memory.
Step 8
See a therapist or counselor if your loneliness and depression becomes too intense or hasn't begun tapering off after six months. Mary-Frances O'Connor, a psychologist at the University of California in Los Angeles, says long-term depression after the death of a loved one (often called prolonged grief or complicated grief) can lead to an increased risk of suicidal thoughts, substance abuse or post-traumatic stress.
Tips and Warnings
- Expect roller-coaster emotions, and be patient. It may take a while to heal.
- Don't make major life changes too soon after the death of a loved one, recommends the National Institutes of Health. Avoid rushing into moving to a new location or changing jobs. Take it slow.
