Extramarital affairs can ruin a marriage because they're based on lies and deceit. If you've been engaging in an extramarital affair and want to end it, remember that more than one person is involved. Even if you want to end the affair, you could cause pain to two other people. Make sure to consider the feelings of both your spouse and your secret partner as you end the affair and attempt to move on with your life, whether you decide to confess or keep your spouse in the dark.
Step 1
Prepare for the pain that you're about to cause your lover, yourself and possibly your spouse. Your lover is likely to be upset and even angered by your actions. Prepare what you will say, and acknowledge your actions are going to hurt others.
Step 2
Tell your lover that you no longer want to see her. Speak to your lover in a private place, and make the break-up as quick and simple as possible. Explain, apologize, wish her the best, and move on.
Step 3
Avoid all future contact with your lover, warns psychologist and relationship expert Willard F. Harley, Jr.. Remove his email and phone number from your contacts list. Avoid going to places where you think he might be. If you work in the same office, you might need to look for new work or request a transfer.
Step 4
Be prepared for ways your lover might try to take revenge, if she is angry. For example, she might tell your spouse or other people about the affair. Listen for suspicious phone calls and watch for suspicious emails in the weeks and months following the end of your affair.
Step 5
Consider confessing your infidelity to your spouse. If you confess, be honest but spare your spouse the gory details. Tell him about the infidelity and assure him that the affair is over. Answer his questions, and understand that he might be very hurt or angry, and he even might want to consider divorce. Ask for forgiveness; according to Focus on the Family; this shows that you know you did something wrong. If necessary, give your spouse space to think about the state of your relationship before you attempt to go forward.
