As parents age, roles begin to shift. Children, even as adults, are used to parents being parents--but as parents age and are less capable of caring for themselves, their adult children may find themselves in the role of parenting their parents. Parents are likely to be reluctant to give up their independence and allow their children to make decisions for them, pay bills and take care of daily responsibilities. But learning how to communicate and express love and respect for your parents can help them become a little more willing to let you help them as they age.
Step 1
Approach your parent about your concerns. If you notice that bills are going unpaid, poor financial decisions are being made, and that in general your parent seems to be showing signs of impaired cognitive function, sit down and have a talk. Don't talk to your parent like a child; he's still an adult and still your parent. But express your concerns and offer your help in making decisions about healthcare, finances, your parent's home and other issues. When you present it as an offer rather than insisting that you're taking control, it may be easier for your parent to be receptive.
Step 2
Decide what responsibilities and decisions your parent can still control. You don't want to suddenly yank away all of your parent's independence and control over decisions. Maybe you are responsible for making sure that the mortgage and utilities get paid, but your parent still has a certain amount of money each week that he can spend however he likes. Just set a budget that's appropriate for his particular income and resources.
Step 3
Visit a doctor to determine your parent's mental abilities. If your parent is showing signs of Alzheimer's disease or other forms of dementia, head to a neurologist. He can perform tests (like the mini-mental state exam) that can measure your parent's cognitive function and ability to make decisions, according to the Alzheimer's Association. If the doctor confirms that it is no longer safe or appropriate for your parent to make decisions without help, have a conversation where the three of you discuss how and why your parent needs you to be the decision-maker.
Step 4
Meet with an attorney to discuss assigning you power of attorney (POA). You can gain the legal right to make decisions and perform certain actions on that person's behalf, according to the U.S. Department of State. There are several types of power of attorney, including a healthcare POA and durable POA. The POA can allow you to make decisions for your parent at different levels, from all decisions to only ones pertaining to a specific action (like healthcare or finances).
Step 5
Find ways for your parent to remain independent. If your parent can still safely live at home, try to maintain that as long as possible. Consider having someone come check on your parent daily or a few times a week to help out with tasks around the house. If your parent can still drive, cook and even help out by watching the grandkids, encourage those independent activities---as long as they're safe for your parent and others.
Step 6
Involve your parent in decision-making. Just because you have control over your parent's decisions doesn't mean that he doesn't still have an opinion that you should consider. Promise your parent that you'll consult him on decisions to find out what he wants rather than taking control completely away.
Things You'll Need
- Power of Attorney document
