Watching your mother grieve the loss of a loved one can be a painful and exhausting journey. It's only natural that you want to relieve some of her sorrow and emotional burden by helping her, but be cautious with the approach you choose. Grieving is a process of coping with the loss of the physical and emotional presence of a loved one, and your mother may handle her grief differently than you had hoped she would.
Step 1
Respect her wishes. Allow her to spend time alone. Don't project your evaluation of the grief she's experiencing onto her. The manner in which she mourns her loss is entirely her decision; bereavement is an individual process, says grief expert and executive director of the Grief Recovery Institute, Russell Friedman. He says that the process of grieving a significant loss may uncover some unpleasant behaviors toward others or intense emotions, so try not to take her negative reactions personally.
Step 2
Encourage her to rest. Offer to cook and clean, or host the funeral so she can get some sleep. The emotional effects of mourning quickly deplete energy. According to the Harvard Mental Health Newsletter, physical exhaustion may manifest itself in the form of physical pain and ailments. Friedman says that the risk for heart attack and stroke doubles in the week following a significant loss. Sleeping allows your mother's mind to rest as it eliminates some of the intensity of emotional pain.
Step 3
Laugh with your mother. Encourage your mother that laughing or enjoying herself in no way diminishes the gravity of her loss. General internist Dr. Alex Lickerman says that people often feel guilty for experiencing happiness after the death of a loved one. He says that allowing joy and laughter back into one's life signals that grieving is transforming into healing.
Step 4
Be present for her when she wants to talk. Listen to her when she's expressing her emotions. Don't give her unsolicited advice. Dr. Lickerman says that bereavement may include feelings of what she didn't do or what she should have done. Try to turn her focus to positive memories. Lead her attention away from the negative by reminiscing about your recollections of the good times with her loved one.
Step 5
Suggest that she join a support group or seek individual counseling. Grieving doesn't adhere to a timeline, but if you're worried about your mother's denial or regression, you should encourage her to seek professional guidance. Dr. Lickerman suggests that if she's not encountering extended periods of relief after six months of her loss, she may be suffering from severe depression.
