Improving your communication skills provides a tremendous benefit to your marriage. Not only do you become a better partner, you also increase your level of intimacy and reduce the chance of misunderstandings. According to psychologists Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt in their book "Getting the Love You Want Workbook: The New Couples' Study Guide," improving your communication skills deepens your understanding of your partner's perspective, helps you become more receptive and improves your overall relationship.
Step 1
Use "I" statements to express how you feel. According to Helpguide.org, saying how you feel using "I" statements helps you take responsibility for your feelings without blaming or attacking your partner. Avoid accusatory, all-or-nothing statements such as "You never listen," as these statements will only put your partner on the defensive.
Step 2
Pay attention to nonverbal communication. Body language, eye contact and physical touch go a long way to communicating your thoughts and feelings. You can express caring and concern simply by touching your partner's arm in a certain way. Similarly, you can convey disappointment and anger without saying a word. For example, notice when your partner avoids eye contact, stands with a defensive posture or crosses his arms. These nonverbal cues provide insight into your partner's state of mind and feelings.
Step 3
Speak in a calm, level tone of voice. Avoid name calling during disagreements. If you're unhappy or dissatisfied with something your partner has done, let her know by speaking respectfully and rationally. If you raise your voice or start calling her names, you'll put her on the defensive and create a potentially heated situation.
Step 4
Listen to your partner. Try to really pay attention to what he says. Make eye contact and stop doing other activities when he says he wants to talk to you. According to authors Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning and Kim Paleg in their book "Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work," making an effort to listen shows him that you are interested in what he says and that you think his feelings are important.
Step 5
Focus on the present. Bringing up old issues or problems from the past removes focus from the issue at hand, according to Helpguide.org. Keeping your focus on the current issue will help you to resolve conflicts more quickly and effectively.
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