Child custody battles are a rarity, no matter what you see in movies or on TV. According to the American Bar Association, 95 percent of divorcing spouses come to an agreement on child custody, child support and visitation before coming to court.
Types of Child Custody
According to legal resource NOLO, there are four types of child custody: physical, legal, sole and joint. Physical custody gives a parent the right to have her child live with her. Legal custody gives a parent the right to make important decisions regarding the child's education, social life and general upbringing. Sole and joint custody refer to a division of rights and responsibilities between the parents; one parent may be given sole custody or both parents can share joint custody.
Best Practices
The best practice in avoiding a child custody battle is to be one of the 95 percent of couples that come to an agreement prior to filing for divorce. If that's not possible, your attorneys may be able to help forge a written agreement before going to court. According to the ABA, the judge's approval is "virtually automatic" if your agreement treats both spouses fairly. If the matter must be decided by a judge, he'll probably look favorably on arrangements that propose joint or sole custody with plenty of visitation for the other spouse. According to NOLO, unless one parent is obviously unfit, judges often craft rulings that include both parents.
Arrangements During Separation
The American Bar Association warns you to be cautious when making temporary custody agreements with your spouse during a separation period. Although you and your spouse may not intend for such an arrangement to be permanent, a judge may think differently. According to the ABA, a judge may look at the situation and assume that if both parties entered into it voluntarily, it is likely to continue working for all the parties involved.
Mediation
Some states require divorcing spouses to work with a mediator to solve their child custody issues. You can also hire a private mediator before going to court. Be aware that mediators don't have to keep what you say private; according to the Judicial Council of California, they can tell your spouse or the judge what happened during your session. Mediators can also help you hammer out the details of your arrangement, including finding safe ways to transfer children between parents for visitation times or joint custody transfers.
Warning
During a child custody battle, your behavior speaks volumes about your ability to care for your children. Do not insult your spouse, use emotional blackmail to prompt a child to choose you over your spouse, or use money or community possessions to punish your spouse. Even if your spouse uses these techniques against you, it is to your advantage to control your anger and keep your child's best interests in mind at all times.
