Most children, especially those who are very young, don't have an understanding of why manners should be important, and that is part of why they can be such a challenge to teach. Even though the significance may be initially lost on kids, parents can nevertheless instill good manners through repetitious behavior, positive reinforcement and respectful gestures. It may take several years, but kids will eventually appreciate being exposed to good etiquette and picking up such skills.
Importance
As Peggy Post points out in "Emily Post's The Guide to Good Manners for Kids," manners are essentially about being respectful, considerate and honest. All kids know that it feels good to be treated with respect and care and that being slighted or disregarded makes them feel bad. Having good manners goes beyond simply knowing which fork to use or how to thank someone for a gift. Being kind, courteous and respectful can help kids learn to develop positive personal relationships and even feel better about themselves.
Basics
Table manners, "please" and "thank-you" are what most people consider when they think about manners, but it's important for parents to go beyond those basics, too. Teaching kids how to carry on a conversation with a person they have just met, how to respectfully decline an invitation and how to use polite and courteous body language are all just as important as more specific skills.
Teaching Tips
Sheryl Eberly, author of "365 Manners Kids Should Know," points out that it can sometimes take years to instill good manners in kids and that repeatedly going through the motions can make a big difference, even though it may not seem that way at first. When a child seems to pick up a lesson, respond positively and with praise. In "Teaching Your Children Good Manners," Lauri Berkenkamp also advises that parents focus on just one or two new manners at a time so that kids don't get confused and overwhelmed.
Reception
Notice kids' reactions to certain manners and to which skills they seem most receptive. Tapping into kids' natural interests and curiosity can help make parents' teaching more effective and less mundane. Robin Abrahams, author of "Miss Conduct's Mind Over Manners," believes that kids actually want to learn good manners because they have an inherent desire to predict and control their behaviors and to please others.
Demonstration
Parents can help teach good manners by demonstrating them to kids and consistently treating others with respect and kindness. Try helping kids set the table every night or offering to provide illustrations if they write thank-you notes to relatives. Above all, strive to make manners seem like a pleasant way of life rather than a chore; kids are then likely to pick up the same attitude.
