Communicating effectively is a significant part of developing and maintaining any relationship, yet it's also one of the most difficult hurdles for couples to overcome. Couples often fail to communicate successfully because they fail to understand the means by which the respective genders express thoughts and emotions. Clinical psychologist Leon Seltzer identifies communication as a "universal phobia." He says that instead of recognizing that communication is a "...powerful, expressive dialogue that might spiritually connect us to each another," people put up barriers.
Step 1
Vocalize how you feel. Express the emotions you're experiencing. Tell him how you feel when he doesn't fulfill your needs; don't dictate what he is or isn't doing. Convey your thoughts by applying "I" statements in your communication, says therapist and founder of "A Counseling Center," Kevin Everett FitzMaurice. He says that by avoiding the "you" statements, you minimize the possibility that you will come across as being accusatory toward your partner.
Step 2
Listen to each other. Attempt to hear and understand what she's trying to tell you. Communication allows each partner to speak, but it also necessitates that you listen to one another. If you alternate between who speaks and who listens, you enable encouraging and responsive interaction, says Willard Harley, a psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders. He suggests that couples use conversation as a way to "...investigate, inform and understand..." each other on a more profound level.
Step 3
Consider what you want to say before you speak. Be aware of your emotional state before you decide to engage your partner. Take some time to cool your temper and think about what you want to say. Unloading intense emotions of anger or resentment onto your partner hinders effective communication and can be detrimental to your relationship, say Help Guide contributors Dr. Jeanne Segal, Dr. Jaelline Jaffe and Melinda Smith.
Step 4
Recognize the power of nonverbal communication. The majority of human thought and emotion is communicated nonverbally. Nonverbal communication can be an influential tool in expressing love and approval of others, but your body language may also reveal negativity toward your partner. Maintain eye contact to show that you're engaged in the conversation. Don't cross your arms when you're talking because it relays a message of hostility, says Joe Navarro, former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) counterintelligence agent and author of "What Everybody is Saying."
Step 5
Make communication a priority. Be spontaneous in communicating; don't wait until you experience an emotional overload to initiate communication and resolution. Foster your relationship by setting aside time each week to talk to your partner about your relationship and discuss ways to improve it.
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