Whether you're in the process of a divorce or have already been divorced and want to change your child custody arrangement, it is in your best interests to be able to talk to your spouse calmly about your children. Both of you want what is best for the children, and all disagreements or animosity aside, you need to be able to work together to raise them. Discussing child custody is not difficult, but you need to prepare for the difficult issues you may have to confront.
Step 1
Schedule the time. You should set aside a specific time when both you and your ex-spouse can meet. Plan to attend this meeting just like you would any important event.
Step 2
Consider carefully when to make children a part of the discussion. Even if you are sure that you and your ex-spouse can resolve all issues amicably, use caution when discussing child custody issues in front of your children. While you can make your children part of the decision making process, make sure any discussion you have is civil and doesn't expose your children to animosity.
Step 3
Meet your ex-spouse in a neutral setting. A quiet, public setting can help both of you relax and keep emotional outbursts to a minimum.
Step 4
Focus on the child's needs. A judge must approve any child custody agreement, and if you and your spouse establish early on that you made all your decisions based on what your children need, the judge is much more likely to approve any agreement.
Step 5
Be open to negotiation. If you start your discussion dead-set on a single outcome, you are much more likely to reach an impasse. Be open to options and cooperation between you and your ex-spouse.
Step 6
Hire a mediator. If you cannot come to an agreement by yourselves, you should consider hiring a mediator to help you. Unlike a lawyer, a mediator helps both parents come to an agreement in a collaborative setting, not a combative one like a court of law.
Tips and Warnings
- Few things are as emotionally charged as your relationship with your children. If you feel yourself getting too upset and are unable to continue, you should reschedule the discussion at another time.
