Conflict is present in every human relationship. It usually surfaces in a relationship when partners fail to communicate effectively about their needs, thoughts, feelings or beliefs. The presence of conflict in a relationship doesn't always have a negative implication, says clinical psychologist and therapist Larry Alan Nadig. Conflicts, he says, can strengthen relationships by creating a deeper understanding of each other and encouraging intimacy and respect between partners. To detect whether you have conflict that's negatively affecting your relationship, look for certain signs.
Step 1
Look for signs of withdrawal. Isolating himself from contact or conversation with you indicates that your partner is attempting to evade the reality of the situation. Avoiding or denying the discord altogether is an ineffective approach. Unresolved conflict can obscure communication and intensify resentment, says Nadig. He says you need to identify the source of the problem and address it with your partner.
Step 2
Listen to her tone. Watch for bitter remarks, words of criticism and a resentful attitude toward you. If she makes accusatory statements directed at you, she's probably reacting defensively to the presence of the conflict, says clinical social worker, Claire Arene. Although she may not truly mean what she's saying, the harsh words and accusations that were spoken in duress are "rarely forgotten or forgiven."
Step 3
Watch for anger. Unresolved conflict can have enduring consequences and may lead to noticeable signs of rage. According to the Conflict Research Consortium, conflict can manifest itself in anger and may be visible "competitively, aggressively, or violently." Throwing things, slamming doors and stomping around the house show that he's feeling frustrated by the unresolved issue.
Step 4
Observe her body language. Look to see if she acknowledges you when you enter the room. Watch if she turns her back to you, avoids any eye contact with you when you ask her a question or stands with her arms crossed when you talk to her. These nonverbal cues signal discomfort, stress or anxiety, says Joe Navarro, former Federal Bureau of Investigation counterintelligence agent and author of "What Every Body Is Saying."
Step 5
Engage your partner in a discussion. Stop wondering if there's a conflict; go straight to the source. Ask him to talk about the issue. Approach him with a willingness to listen. Discuss possible solutions to the conflict, encourage him to communicate his thoughts or needs in the future, and learn new ways to solve your relationship conflicts, says Nadig. He suggests, "Approach the conflict as two equals working together to solve a problem."
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