When you've experienced the death of a spouse, you might experience a bevy of conflicting emotions. Depending on the situation, you might feel grief, denial, shock, anger and even relief. The healing process that occurs after losing someone you love can be long and arduous, riddled with advice from well-meaning friends and family and your own guilt upon the decision to move on. It's important to remember that there is no "right" way to heal after the death of a spouse, so follow your instincts and grieve in a way that you feel comfortable.
Step 1
Spend time with family and friends immediately following the death of a spouse. Your family can help you make arrangements for the funeral and help you take care of financial obligations. You can also find solace in their company, especially if you're not accustomed to being in your home alone. If you have children, family members can help care for them while you take time to heal.
Step 2
Avoid making any major changes until you've adjusted to and accepted the death of your spouse. Abruptly selling your home, moving or changing jobs could only add to the grief process and reopen old wounds. Take your time, and if you're thinking about making a change to aid in the healing process, think it over carefully and talk with your friends and family. What feels like the need for a major change may just be your way of grieving for your spouse.
Step 3
Join a support group made up of widows and widowers who have experienced similar loss, suggests the National Institute of Aging. When you've lost a spouse, you may feel isolated and alone, especially around friends who still have their spouses. A support group can help get you out of the house and interacting with those who understand you.
Step 4
Test your comfort level in returning to some of the activities of your old life, suggests Families.com. While your friends may pressure you to date again or enjoy more social activity, if it makes you feel guilty or hurt, there isn't a rush. Instead of resuming your life exactly as it was before the death, take your time and add activities as they feel comfortable to you, no matter what well-meaning friends and family members say.
Step 5
Follow your own pattern of grief. The Kubler-Ross model of passing through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance is a popular model in the psychology community, but clinical psychologist at Columbia University and "Psychology Today" writer George A. Bananno notes that it is not a universal model. You might experience only a few of the stages of grief, or follow in an unpredictable pattern. You don't need to heal in a certain way; as you resume your life and remember the past, you'll find your own way to heal over time.
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