Discovering that your husband has cheated on you can be a huge blow. The person you trusted most, they man you thought would love you and be by your side no matter what, has turned his back on you. You feel betrayed. You feel that there's something wrong with you---otherwise, why would he have cheated? There are several things you can do to get over this feeling and start feeling good about yourself again.
Rebuild Your Self Esteem
Step 1
Sit down and think, or talk this over with a good friend. A husband cheating on you can be very confusing. Clarify to yourself who's done what. If your husband cheated on you, he's the guilty party, not you. Don't blame yourself for the flaws of others. Identify your feelings, and separate your feelings about yourself from your feelings about your husband.
Step 2
Start exercising, or if you already exercise, stick to your routine or try to increase it if possible. Find a new class at the gym. Walk longer. Take up a new sport. Keep in mind that you're not doing this to please your husband or to get him back. You're doing this to feel better about yourself. Exercise helps with stress and depression. It'll also help you look better--for yourself, not for anyone else. Being fit will help you feel good about yourself, mentally and physically.
Step 3
Rekindle and strengthen your relationships with girlfriends. Sometimes when you're married, you rely too much on this one relationship. Use this as an opportunity to catch up on friendships you might have let go by the wayside. Go out together and have fun. Go for a walk on the beach or have dinner with your girlfriends. Don't use them just as a sounding board--they'll feel used. Use this opportunity to not only talk to them about your problems, but to help them with theirs, too.
Step 4
Find new interests. You've probably invested a lot of time doing things with your husband, at the expense of doing things that interest you. Join a class. Learn how to paint or garden or fix a car. Think about what you do for a living and if you enjoy it. If possible, take a class to further your education in a subject you were always interested in.
Step 5
Get a new haircut. Buy a few new clothes. Don't go overboard--shopping won't make the hurt go away. Do just enough to feel regenerated and enjoy yourself. Always remember, you're doing this to feel good about yourself. Whatever happens between you and your husband, you need to approach the relationship from position of strength.
Step 6
Consider going to individual or marital counseling, which can help you think more clearly about your marriage. According to a study published in "Family Process," if you move toward forgiveness, you won't be controlled by the negative emotions toward your husband. You'll then be more free to make decisions about the future of the marriage.
References
- "Family Process"; Understanding Betrayals in Marriage: A Synthesized Model of Forgiveness; Gordon KC et al., Winter 1998
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