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How to Regain Self-Confidence After a Husband Cheats

by
author image C. Giles
C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."
How to Regain Self-Confidence After a Husband Cheats
Three women embracing eachother in the backyard. Photo Credit Liz Gregg/Photodisc/Getty Images

Learning to love yourself is the first step toward regaining your self-confidence after your husband's affair. You may have been so focused on your husband's actions, and the state of your marriage, that you have neglected yourself. Perhaps you blame yourself for the marriage breakdown. Whether you are giving your marriage another go or not, you owe it to yourself to have a happy, fulfilled life, and that requires boosting your self-esteem.

Accept Your Feelings

Instead of beating yourself up for how you are feeling, acknowledge and accept your feelings. You may be feeling hurt, confused or lonely. Tell yourself that these are perfectly natural emotions to experience after a betrayal. Treat yourself with kindness and care, and take the time to explore your feelings further, rather than push them away. In an article for the Huffington Post, relationship expert Margaret Paul points out that painful, difficult feelings can draw your attention to your needs, and taking steps to meet those needs once you recognize what they are will make you feel loved and boost your confidence.

Give Yourself a Break

The distinction between blaming yourself for your husband's affair and accepting responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the marriage is a crucial one. While you may have contributed to the problems in your relationship, the decision to cheat was your husband's, and his alone. His affair is not a reflection of your attractiveness, or your value as a wife, a lover or a woman. Whenever you catch yourself having negative thoughts about yourself, stop yourself, advises psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, in the article "10 Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem" for Psychology Today. Instead, consciously tell yourself something positive about yourself. Spend your energy on positive thoughts and pursuits, such as a hobby you enjoy, or exercise.

Find Your Support Network

By surrounding yourself with caring, supportive people, you will automatically feel more confident. Spend time with close friends and relatives whose opinions you value, and who you trust to act in your best interests. An affair often has far-reaching repercussions, and you may find that some people in your life take one person's "side" over the other's. Don't waste time worrying about who isn't there for you, and concentrate on those who are.

Discover Yourself

Your marriage may require a great deal of work in order to recover from the affair and rebuild trust, but remember that your individual needs are also important. Taking care of your personal emotional and physical health will have a positive effect on your self-confidence. Eat healthily, exercise regularly and make sure you get plenty of sleep. Spend time doing the things you enjoy the most, advises psychiatrist Neel Burton in the article "Building Confidence and Self-Esteem" for Psychology Today. Set yourself a challenge and commit to doing what is necessary to achieving it. Take up a new hobby, start volunteering or join a local community group. Small successes can add up, and help contribute to a more confident you as you feel more in control of specific aspects of your life.

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