Mending a broken friendship requires courage, honesty and understanding. Making the first move to heal the friendship can go a long way toward letting your friend know you care about her and want to work things out. Be honest about your feelings without blaming or judging your friend. Let her know you want to understand what she's feeling and thinking as well. You might not be able to heal the friendship in one conversation, but you'll make significant headway toward getting back the friend you once had.
Step 1
Call your friend and tell him you'd like to work on mending the friendship. If phoning him feels awkward or uncomfortable, send him an email. Tell him you'd like to meet in person and discuss your friendship. Choose a public place--such as a restaurant or coffee house--that's relatively free of distractions.
Step 2
Start the meeting by telling your friend she's important to you. "Working to get feelings into the conversation is almost always helpful if you do so in a purposive way," say Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Haen in "Difficult Conversations: How to Say What Matters Most." Let your friend know you care about her to help set an amicable tone for the conversation and allow both of you to feel more at ease.
Step 3
Use "I-statements" throughout the discussion. Begin sentences with "I feel," "I believe" or "I want" rather than start them with "you," which can put the other person on the defensive. When you begin your sentences with "I," you own your statements and are less likely to blame or judge your friend during the conversation, according to Randy Fujishin, author of "Creating Communication: Exploring and Expanding Fundamental Communication Skills."
Step 4
Listen attentively without judging or evaluating what your friend says. During a difficult conversation, a listener often forms responses and rebuttals in his head while the other person speaks, according to Fujishin. The listener might also interrupt the person during the conversation. While your friend is talking, listen closely, periodically restate what's been said and ask follow-up questions.
Step 5
Practice forgiveness. You might need to forgive yourself if you feel you're to blame, in part or whole, for the dissolution of the friendship, or you might need to forgive your friend. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you condone her actions; rather, it requires letting go of your anger or resentment and allowing the person to begin anew with you.
Step 6
Work on a resolution together. Often, people do not come to an agreement because they are focused on persuading the other person of their stand or opinion, according to Stone, Patton and Haen. "You always have the option to turn the tables to invite them to persuade you and insist that they do," they say. By giving your friend the stage and allowing her to persuade you to see things from her point of view, you'll create an atmosphere that fosters compromise and healing.
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